Scientific Study Linking Sleeping Pills to Alzheimer’s Now Missing From Collective Public Memory

Sleeping Pills-FNT-Small.pngWASHINGTON, D.C. – A study and report that once pointed toward evidence that sleeping pills can increase the risk of Alzheimer’s now appears to have slipped the collective consciousness of the scientific and medical professions, as well as the pill-taking public in general. Recent random polls taken of the population at large have turned up almost zero recollection that the report ever existed.

“You’re kidding!” scoffed Annabelle Clearmont, who admitted to being 26 when she was asked for a comment about the study while she was having a prescription filled for temazepam at her local pharmacy. “I’ve never heard that; and besides I need these little darlings to be able to get to sleep. Can’t think how my life would be without them.”

Sleeping pills, which are rarely called by that name anymore, are a class of drugs whose main function is to put people to sleep by doing a nasty little number on their brain functions. The pills are usually referred to now by quasi-medical terms such as hypnotics or soporifics to elevate them in status and their users in social self-importance, or, euphemistically as sleep aids or mild sedatives to give them the mistaken perception of benignity.

The results of the study, (which, ironically, has seemingly disappeared from public memory) of more than 3000 people indicated that the risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s for people taking sleeping pills was increased by more than 50% (dementia) and 60% (Alzheimer’s), compared with non-users.

As with smokers however, who live in denial right up until the time they get lung cancer and die from it, sleeping pill users are also quick to find ready rationalization to pop hypnotics.

When asked for comment about the possible harm to brain functions for people taking sleeping pills, Ryan Cernian, who said he was “on the right side of twenty-eight” and was filling a prescription for oxybutynin stated, “Sure, I had heard about it (the study), but I’m not worried because it was done on really old people.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: The Guardian , Polymer Solutions , The New Old Age

Truffle Pig Files Class-Action Lawsuit Claiming Exclusion As Merry-Go-Round Animals

Truffle Pig-FNT-Small.pngHOBART, Tasmania – In the latest skirmish of the Identity Wars, a truffle pig named Nanette has filed a class-action lawsuit on behalf of her kind, claiming “wholesale discrimination” for being excluded as pole-animals on merry-go-round carousels.

“It’s swinephobia at its worst,” she proclaimed in an exclusive interview with FauxNews Today. “I know that one or two carousel platforms years ago may have featured just a regular pig along with maybe a unicorn. But it’s always only ever been horses. Truffle pigs have never been represented!

There had initially been a hold-up as the suit was originally challenged on the grounds that a pig was a pig was a pig. However a rights group representing the truffle pigs celebrated with champagne, caviar and truffle canapés on Friday after a federal court gave the go-ahead for the class action suit to proceed.

“This is a major victory for any one of us who has ever unearthed a black Périgord,” said Nanette, adding that, thanks to the unprecedented ruling, truffle pigs would thereafter also be able to gain access to their owners’ beds, “just like some dogs, who don’t just hunt truffles, they are esteemed family pets.”

Merry-go-rounds, also known as carousels or roundabouts have been around since the late 19th century as amusement rides and in playgrounds. Nanette was forthright when she was asked why, if they felt so aggrieved, the truffle pigs had waited all these decades to suddenly file a claim.

“Well, we’ve been discriminated against for years,” she said. But in the past it’s been extremely difficult to find a lawyer who would take the case. That was then however, and this is now. Isn’t this a great country?”    Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: ExecutiveStyle , , Wikimedia