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Geneticists and Computer Scientists Create E-Dolly, World’s First Algorithmic Sheep

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Algorithmic Sheep-FNT-Small.pngEDINBURGH – A team of geneticists and computer scientists has collaborated to take another small step into the brave new world of somatic cell manipulation, with an added e-twist. The result of the unusual collaboration is E-Dolly the sheep, the world’s first mammal programmed with an ancillary module of artificial intelligence.

The E-Dolly project came about more or less by happenstance; the brainlamb of a nastytug-of-war over the ever-shrinking pot of research money.  Geneticist, and spokesperson for the team, Erwin Mengelesinger, explained the circumstances to FauxNews Today.

“Sometimes one has to make sacrifices for science,“ he said. “There was only one source of funding and it was up for grabs by all the research faculties. We had no choice but to get creative on this genetic project or lose the whole package. So we joined forces with the computer geeks. What could possibly go wrong?”

Team lead for the computer scientists, Georgio Hunseker, didn’t see the E-Dolly project as a sacrifice however. “This is the first time we’ve been able to program algorithms directly into a model organism ,” he said. “So it’s a great opportunity. But we are peeved about having to split the funding.”

While the two scientists were being interviewed, a fight broke out between six other members of the two team-factions over a decision as to whether or not to put a manual override switch into E-Dolly’s AI module.

“We definitely need to de-couple the AI from her regular brain functions,” explained Mengelsinger. “Or she will wind up behaving like Jekyll & Hyde.”

At press time, while the geneticists and computer nerds were still arguing over how to fine-tune E-Dolly’s algorithms, the sheep was observed working on picking the lock between her pen and the feed lot next door. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: AdrianMejia ,ABC News ,Medium/Grant Timmerman

Scientists Predict More Earthquakes But Fewer Dizzy Spells Because of Slowdown In Earth’s Rotation

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Earth Rotation-FNT-Small.pngBOULDER, CO – Scientific tribalism showed its face at the window after news was released at the annual meeting of the Geological Society of America that the rotation of the Earth is slowing. The geological community has predicted dire warnings about  more earthquakes in the future  due to the spin reduction, however medical researchers say they are optimistic that it will mean fewer cases of dizziness in humans, animals and birds.

Scientists have measured the slowdown in Earth’s rotation with the use of the atomic clock and have found it to be as great as a millisecond per day.

Geological scientists believe this reduction is tied directly to increased seismic activity because of changes happening at the Earth’s core, although as yet, there is no specific scientific explanation as to exactly why these changes might cause more earthquakes.

That, apparently, will require “the powers that be to pony up more simoleons for deeper research,” according to a member of the Society who asked that his name not be made public for fear of academic reprisals.

The medical research community however sees the slowdown as a positive thing for the creatures living on the earth, especially those who are sensitive to motion stimuli.

“Wow, a whole millisecond,” said Dr. Ivan Shordice, a partner in an ear, nose and throat clinic in Toronto and a practicing physician specializing in unusual conditions involving the inner ear.” ”The implications here for the future of medical research in the fields of  disequilibrium and vertigo are huge.”

Shordice believes that the geologists are making too much of the potential seismic threat.

“Forget about what those negative nellies are saying about earthquakes and such. Until an earthquake actually happens, it’s just scaremongering.  But in my practice I see people who have to cope with dizziness every day of the week. And if the Earth is now turning more slowly, fewer people will be getting dizzy and barfing on their shoes. That’s a good thing. And by the way, that applies to animals and birds too.”

Dr. Shordice did agree with the geological scientists on one important point, however.

“Look, let’s not kid ourselves here,” he said. “In the final analysis all scientific breakthrough is tied to getting more funding. And there is only so much money out there.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: Tes Teach,  Shenanigans ,  Clipart, Health Unlocked , Pinart