Report: Accumulating Space Junk Will Solve Earth’s Global Warming, Climate Change

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Space Junk Around earth-FNT-Small.pngHOUSTON – The prestigious, international Committee On Debris In Space (CODIS) has just issued a new report that has climate change and global warming advocates breathing much easier. The research shows that, at the current rate of space exploration, the amount of space junk circling the Earth will soon reach a point where it will stop the climate change that is now taking place on the planet.

There are currently more than 23,000 bits and pieces of space debris that are in orbit around Earth, and the numbers grow with every new launch of a vehicle into space.

These human-induced items that have become orbiting space junk may be as small as a fingernail or larger than a minivan.  They comprise things like used rocket parts, space stations that have spun out of control, dysfunctional satellites and even tools dropped by astronauts.

This ring of orbital trash circles the earth at roughly 10 times faster than a high-velocity rifle bullet and can stay up there for hundreds of years, creating the potential for collisions in space and making space exploration more dangerous as every year goes by. Self-introduced hazards however have never stopped humankind from heedlessly pressing ahead in the name of science, when it comes to any new venture.

And, according to the experts, it’s not all bad news. Once the circle of space junk around the planet gets thick enough, it will block out the sun, thus eliminating global warming and climate change. So, a big problem solved!

This news was so encouraging that, in the spirit of making lemonade when one is stuck with lemons, CODIS has titled the space-junk report: “Earth’s Silver Lining”   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: Business Insider, The Paula Gordon Show

Geneticists and Computer Scientists Create E-Dolly, World’s First Algorithmic Sheep

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Algorithmic Sheep-FNT-Small.pngEDINBURGH – A team of geneticists and computer scientists has collaborated to take another small step into the brave new world of somatic cell manipulation, with an added e-twist. The result of the unusual collaboration is E-Dolly the sheep, the world’s first mammal programmed with an ancillary module of artificial intelligence.

The E-Dolly project came about more or less by happenstance; the brainlamb of a nastytug-of-war over the ever-shrinking pot of research money.  Geneticist, and spokesperson for the team, Erwin Mengelesinger, explained the circumstances to FauxNews Today.

“Sometimes one has to make sacrifices for science,“ he said. “There was only one source of funding and it was up for grabs by all the research faculties. We had no choice but to get creative on this genetic project or lose the whole package. So we joined forces with the computer geeks. What could possibly go wrong?”

Team lead for the computer scientists, Georgio Hunseker, didn’t see the E-Dolly project as a sacrifice however. “This is the first time we’ve been able to program algorithms directly into a model organism ,” he said. “So it’s a great opportunity. But we are peeved about having to split the funding.”

While the two scientists were being interviewed, a fight broke out between six other members of the two team-factions over a decision as to whether or not to put a manual override switch into E-Dolly’s AI module.

“We definitely need to de-couple the AI from her regular brain functions,” explained Mengelsinger. “Or she will wind up behaving like Jekyll & Hyde.”

At press time, while the geneticists and computer nerds were still arguing over how to fine-tune E-Dolly’s algorithms, the sheep was observed working on picking the lock between her pen and the feed lot next door. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: AdrianMejia ,ABC News ,Medium/Grant Timmerman