Canadian Rutabagas Now Trending On Twitter As Planet’s Newest Superfood

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Rutabagas-FNT-small.pngINNISFIL, ONT– A local market garden near East Gwillimbury, Ontario drew world-wide attention recently when a rutabaga cultivar grown there trended on Twitter as the planet’s newest superfood. The news broke when Toronto celebrity YouTube-chef, Edward Wardsbury (@EWNo.1Torchow) tweeted: OMG super brassica napus! You wouldn’t believe! #newestsuperfood

This latest vegetable superstar was produced by a Canadian grower and market gardener, Gordon Bianchi, who grew the rutabagas on a .43 acre family plot in the Holland Marsh, an hour’s drive north of downtown Toronto. Bianchi said he was overwhelmed by the world-wide reception to what he called his “carefully nurtured” creation.

“It was phenomenal,” he said. “The whole harvest sold out in fifteen minutes by mail order. I sent the last dozen off by UPS a few minutes ago to a foodie in Uzbekistan.”

Wardsbury, whose syndicated YouTube cooking show boasts an audience of 2.9 million viewers in one-hundred and seventeen countries, said he couldn’t easily explain any single nutritional factor that might have propelled this particular rutabaga variety to superfood status.

“I mean, it’s got riboflavin and folate and all that great stuff in it,” he said. “So it’s ultra-healthy. But I think it’s more like people were looking for a change. Everyone is still doing the powerhouses like quinoa and goji berries and kale and such. But they are so yesterday, and I thought, why not rutabagas? So I told all my friends.”

FauxNews Today caught up with Caitlin Gill by telephone, for a comment. She is a well-known Canadian food enthusiast now living as an expatriate in Key Largo, Florida where she owns a health food restaurant. She had ordered three bushels of the Holland Marsh rutabagas and said she was putting them on the menu.

“I think it’s great that a uniquely Canadian vegetable has finally made it into the superfood category.” she said. “I put the order in as soon as I heard. I absolutely don’t believe what I see on TV anymore, but if it’s on Twitter, then it must be true.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Healthy Indulgences  and Dr. Oz The Good Life

Starbucks Canada To Open First Drive-In Coffee Shops With Drones As Carhops

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Drive-In-FNT-smallOTTAWA – In a move that the company is calling ‘futuristic-retro” the Starbucks Corporation has announced that it will open fifteen-hundred drive-in coffee shops using airborne drones as carhop servers, in selected cities across North America. Starbucks will pioneer the new model in six Canadian cities first, beginning next year.

“Listen, let’s face it, humans are becoming passé,” said Peter Wanhauser, a Starbucks spokesperson, when he was asked why the company would use drones to serve customers rather than employ people to do the job. “The future is technology, and the future is here now.”

Wanhauser also explained, excitedly and without a trace of irony, why Starbucks had paradoxically chosen to incorporate a sixty-five-year-old business model from the nineteen-fifties as part of their expansion plan for the future.

“Our focus group studies have shown that everybody today really, really, really loves the old stuff,” he said. “So we’re staying absolutely 100 percent true to the original concept. We’re just changing it to bring it in line with our own thinking.”

A leaked internal, executive-level corporate e-mail memo also shed light on why the company decided to launch the futuristic-retro initiative in Canada first.

The memo submitted that: “Canadians will basically line up in droves to buy in to any new trendy absurdity without question, embrace it wholeheartedly and tell all their friends about it. As cutting-edge, money-making ideas go, this one’s a slam dunk there.”

Wanhauser would not comment on the memo, but emphatically denied a rumour that Starbucks was planning on also using drones as baristas. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Starbucks, CSO Online and Frostop Root Beer