Canada Cancels F-18 Aircraft Purchase From Australia-Will Buy Used Fighter Jets On E-Bay

F-18 Hornet-E-Bay-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Twelve hours after Canada announced that it planned to buy eighteen previously owned F-18 fighter aircraft from the government of Australia, it abruptly banked left and decided that it would go shopping for the used jets it needed on E-bay instead. This new information was leaked to the media by an embarrassed government procurement specialist who gave his name as “Stanley”, said it was a nom de guerre, and spoke off the record, citing potential career reprisals as the reason.

Replacing Canada’s fleet of fighter jets has been a source of controversy for almost a decade now, and while the current government wished to hasten things along with the purchase of the Australian F-18s, Stanley said that they narrowly missed making a very poor bargain.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t sign the purchase order to the Aussies because we got a much better deal online,” he said. “It even includes free delivery.” He went on to explain the circumstances that caused them to nix buying the fighters from down under and deal in the world of e-commerce instead.

“It was my Aunt Susan who put me on to it,” he said. “She likes a bargain and buys tonnes of stuff off of E-Bay. When she showed me how easy it was, I said, why not? Have you heard about PayPal?”

Notwithstanding the big price advantage, Stanley said he was genuinely bewildered by all the fuss his decision had caused. He told FauxNews Today that he had become persona non grata with his colleagues and bosses who had to scramble around for answers to the government and the public for switching to the unconventional purchase protocol for the F-18 fighters.

“We’ve had all kinds of flak from media on this,” he said. “And I don’t know why. Thanks to Aunt Susan, I saved the Canadian taxpayers millions of dollars.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Wikipedia, TechCrunch , HCG Drops

Report: Scientists Find That Australian Megabat Flying-foxes Are Main Cause of Climate Change

Australian Bats-Climate Cng-FNT-Small.pngQUEENSLAND – A remarkable new climate change study by a group of scientists who were originally studying chaos theory has concluded that the Australian Flying-fox, a megabat that is sometimes seen as a ‘menace to society’ in its native habitat, is largely responsible for causing the huge variations in climatic conditions that have been happening around the world.

“I know that flies in the face (pun not intended) of the prevailing wisdom about climate change,” explained Rodney Overclause, Ph.D, who headed up the controversial research project involving the megabats. “But if you understand chaos theory, and look at it from that perspective, it’s the only logical explanation.”

A simplified description of chaos theory uses an example of the “butterfly effect”, basically that tiny changes introduced into a dynamic system will ultimately cause huge changes to happen down the road. An example might be: a butterfly flapping its wings in Japan can introduce enough change in a weather system to cause a wind-driven tsunami on the coast of California.

The study and report have raised the hackles of climate scientists around the world, with it being called in various quarters such names as: “egregious psudeoscience”, “climate heresy” and “pure poppycock”. The chaos theory scientists however are quick to defend the results of their research.

“I mean, just put two and two together,” said Doctor Ian Roganski, another of the researchers on the team’s controversial megabat climate change project. “If you consider what damage a butterfly can do, think about this. Flying-foxes are the largest bats in Australia. They weigh a couple of pounds each and have three-foot wingspans, for Pete’s sake. And they nest in great big colonies.”

His colleague jumped in to further add to the debate that, at the time of publication, is still raging.

“So can you imagine the effect of a couple of thousand of those big suckers taking off all at once?” Overclause asked. “Why, it just boggles the mind!”  Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Australian Museum , Scientific American