OTTAWA – Twelve hours after Canada announced that it planned to buy eighteen previously owned F-18 fighter aircraft from the government of Australia, it abruptly banked left and decided that it would go shopping for the used jets it needed on E-bay instead. This new information was leaked to the media by an embarrassed government procurement specialist who gave his name as “Stanley”, said it was a nom de guerre, and spoke off the record, citing potential career reprisals as the reason.
Replacing Canada’s fleet of fighter jets has been a source of controversy for almost a decade now, and while the current government wished to hasten things along with the purchase of the Australian F-18s, Stanley said that they narrowly missed making a very poor bargain.
“It’s a good thing we didn’t sign the purchase order to the Aussies because we got a much better deal online,” he said. “It even includes free delivery.” He went on to explain the circumstances that caused them to nix buying the fighters from down under and deal in the world of e-commerce instead.
“It was my Aunt Susan who put me on to it,” he said. “She likes a bargain and buys tonnes of stuff off of E-Bay. When she showed me how easy it was, I said, why not? Have you heard about PayPal?”
Notwithstanding the big price advantage, Stanley said he was genuinely bewildered by all the fuss his decision had caused. He told FauxNews Today that he had become persona non grata with his colleagues and bosses who had to scramble around for answers to the government and the public for switching to the unconventional purchase protocol for the F-18 fighters.
“We’ve had all kinds of flak from media on this,” he said. “And I don’t know why. Thanks to Aunt Susan, I saved the Canadian taxpayers millions of dollars.” Source: FNT Staff