Tag: Canada

Canadian Drive-thru Poutine Kiosk Restaurant Chain Sets Social Media Trending Record

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Poutine Kiosk-FNT-Small.pngWEYBURN – A Saskatchewan company that launched a drive-thru chain of poutine kiosks has set a new Canadian business record. Poutine a Go-Go trended on twitter as Canada’s fastest growing non-e-business for two consecutive three-minute windows between noon and six p.m. on November 13th.

“This is exciting stuff,” said Marcel Boulanger, who is originally from Gatineau, Quebec and is expanding his chain of kiosks across the Canadian mid-west. “I mean, last week my bank manager was on my case big-time about paying down my student loan, but when I showed him the latest infographic on my expanded audience base, we’re now talking about going coast to coast.”

Boulanger said that his specialty poutine chain struggled like a lot of small start-ups in the beginning: “the restaurant business is one of the most risky games to go into”, but everything changed for him when he tweeted out a link to an Instagram photo of his cat, Sylvester, who was eating a dish of poutine with squeaky Gorgonzola cheese curds, while belted into his kitty-safe car seat in Boulanger’s ’98 Dodge Neon.

“Everything just exploded then,” the record-setting poutine entrepreneur said. “Since then, I’ve never been busier. “I’m cross-posting with Facebook, and on Friday we’ll be in their hot-topics report. I’ve also hired a team to update my Tweet marketing tactics.”

When asked about other plans he might have for the future, the Canadian drive-thru poutine king explained that he was also going to feature Sylvester the cat in a national Internet advertising campaign to further expand his burgeoning business empire.

“I mean forget quality ingredients, the best locations and an award-winning poutine chef,” he said. “We’re talking a major micro-influencer here!”  Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Canadian Living,  Dallas News  , La Poutine,

International Spat Over Who Owns Aurora Borealis Heading For The Courts

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Aurora Borealis-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – A leaked classified document from foreign affairs, has confirmed that bureaucracies from seven different northern countries are now quibbling over ownership of the aurora borealis. The negotiations are cloaked in mystery and secrecy, but insiders have hinted that if the parties cannot reach a resolution the matter may wind up being decided by the World Court.

No one, however, has been able to answer the question: why do they want ownership?

A spokesperson for the department, who agreed to speak briefly off the record because he feared reprisal, explained the rationale behind the highly-charged contretemps.

“No comment!” he said, and abruptly hung up.

FauxNews Today was able to reach an analyst on contract with the National Research Council who was able to shed some light on the subject. He gave his name as “Bob Galileo”, (which, upon reflection, might well be false).

He explained that the aurora borealis was actually potential energy stored in Earth’s magnetosphere and released in the form of light under certain conditions involving the solar wind and a couple of other factors. All governments therefore were anxious to stake their claim on one of nature’s most spectacular wonders.

“It used to be about oil,” said Bob Galileo. “But oil’s now passé. So whoever can nail down ownership of the northern lights will have their hands on enough green energy to power every single city in the high latitudes and sell the surplus to the rest of the country.”

Before he rang off, Bob then tried to interest the reporter in buying shares of a solar-wind-farm company he and some colleagues had recently founded near the International Space Station. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Mental Floss, Dreamstime,