Freaks of Science and Nature: 500 Pound Piranha Discovered In Abandoned Disney Water Park

Piranha-500 Lb-FNT-SmallORLANDO – Ichthyologists from seventeen countries converged on an abandoned water park in Bay Lake, Florida on Wednesday, after a local resident, Anson Shelbart, reported that he had “..nearly lost an arm..” while trying to retrieve his bicycle that had accidently tumbled off a nature trail into the lagoon. He had been attacked, he said, by a very large fish; in his words: “…a huge SOB, with a mouth full of teeth like razor blades!”

Mister Shelbart, who works part time as a zucchini trainer at a nearby market garden, had the presence of mind to snap a photo of the attacker with his smartphone and post it to the Internet. Within minutes, a fish nerd from Philadelphia claimed that it was a red-bellied piranha, “…easily identifiable by its colouration, powerful jaw muscles and serrated teeth.”

The photograph however showed the fish in the Florida lagoon to be longer than the photographer’s bicycle, which was clearly visible in the background. An Ichthyologist in Brazil, who specializes in the species, called the Florida photo: “…a hoax of gargantuan proportion…” as piranhas are typically less than twelve inches in length.

This professional challenge raised an Internet firestorm of controversy, responsible for bringing the seventeen Ichthyology specialists to Bay Lake.

The fish, which weighed out at 503 pounds, was dragged from the lagoon with a grappling hook borrowed from Mister Shelbart’s zucchini-training academy. It was ultimately pronounced a “freak of nature” by the assembled men of science after they could not come to a consensus as to its exact species.

They did all agree however that it was “excellent” when deep-fried in beer batter and served up with cider vinegar and potato chips.

The Bay Lake water park, which was designed around a wilderness theme with an artificial rustic “swimming hole”, was once owned by Disney. It was abandoned in 2001 after several tourists and a cow went missing in mysterious circumstances.

Reached just before press time, a spokesperson for the Disney Corporation first declined to comment, and then abruptly hung up the telephone. Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: ThoughtCo, Theme Park Tourist

Canadian Rutabagas Now Trending On Twitter As Planet’s Newest Superfood

Rutabagas-FNT-small.pngINNISFIL, ONT– A local market garden near East Gwillimbury, Ontario drew world-wide attention recently when a rutabaga cultivar grown there trended on Twitter as the planet’s newest superfood. The news broke when Toronto celebrity YouTube-chef, Edward Wardsbury (@EWNo.1Torchow) tweeted: OMG super brassica napus! You wouldn’t believe! #newestsuperfood

This latest vegetable superstar was produced by a Canadian grower and market gardener, Gordon Bianchi, who grew the rutabagas on a .43 acre family plot in the Holland Marsh, an hour’s drive north of downtown Toronto. Bianchi said he was overwhelmed by the world-wide reception to what he called his “carefully nurtured” creation.

“It was phenomenal,” he said. “The whole harvest sold out in fifteen minutes by mail order. I sent the last dozen off by UPS a few minutes ago to a foodie in Uzbekistan.”

Wardsbury, whose syndicated YouTube cooking show boasts an audience of 2.9 million viewers in one-hundred and seventeen countries, said he couldn’t easily explain any single nutritional factor that might have propelled this particular rutabaga variety to superfood status.

“I mean, it’s got riboflavin and folate and all that great stuff in it,” he said. “So it’s ultra-healthy. But I think it’s more like people were looking for a change. Everyone is still doing the powerhouses like quinoa and goji berries and kale and such. But they are so yesterday, and I thought, why not rutabagas? So I told all my friends.”

FauxNews Today caught up with Caitlin Gill by telephone, for a comment. She is a well-known Canadian food enthusiast now living as an expatriate in Key Largo, Florida where she owns a health food restaurant. She had ordered three bushels of the Holland Marsh rutabagas and said she was putting them on the menu.

“I think it’s great that a uniquely Canadian vegetable has finally made it into the superfood category.” she said. “I put the order in as soon as I heard. I absolutely don’t believe what I see on TV anymore, but if it’s on Twitter, then it must be true.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Healthy Indulgences  and Dr. Oz The Good Life