Montreal To Move City Underground Into Newly Discovered Ice Age Caves, to Save Energy

Montreal-Ice-Cave-FNT-Small.pngMONTREAL– Following the discovery of a massive ice-age cavern beneath the city of Montreal, the city’s planners immediately saw the huge underground cave as a green energy opportunity. Montreal now is looking at moving the entire metropolitan area into the cavern, beginning on Saturday.

A member of the city’s planning committee, Marcel Archembault, sees the giant cavern that opens up deep underground Montreal’s Saint-Leonard Parc Pie-XII not far from Highway 40 as: ”…the most amazing money-saving opportunity for our city in this century.”

“It will stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer,” he said. “So no more huge utility bills for oil or natural gas.”

The massive cave that was just discovered by explorers was formed 15,000 years ago, experts say, as a result of pressure by the glaciers during the Ice Age.

“There’s plenty of water there too,” he said. “So there will be no need to build a separate reservoir for drinking water and taking showers.” The cave actually taps into the aquifer and explorers that discovered it used an inflatable canoe to get around, so now many Montrealers will be able to enjoy recreational boating, right from their front porches.

In spite of the rosy prognostications for Montreal’s exciting new green-energy initiative however, the city planners do see at least one cloud on the horizon after they make the move to take the city underground.

“Unfortunately, there is no glacial ice from 15,000 years ago remaining near there at all today,” said Archembault. “So after we set up everything again and have the city running smoothly down in the cavern, people will still need refrigerators to make ice cubes to chill their martinis and blend their smoothies.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC News / Société québécoise de spéléologie , Radio Canada International

Quebec Hires Legal Top Team to Fight Lie Detector Test In Court Challenge of Bill 62

BILL 62 Vote-FNT-Small.pngMONTREAL – With the upcoming constitutional court challenge over Bill 62 (the Quebec anti-face-covering law) the province has hired a top legal team to vigorously defend against the use of a lie detector in determining some facts about the legislation. The controversial law, which forces individuals to remove articles of their clothing in a public place, is an especially egregious affront to women.

Bill 62 also bans children from wearing Halloween masks on buses as well as people of all ages and genders from wearing scarves and balaclavas in January on ski slopes funded by the provincial government.

This new legislation, which FauxNews today believes has no place in any country that professes to call itself a democracy, will be hard pressed to stand up to a constitutional challenge, on purely religious grounds alone. But the province has enlisted the best legal talent that public money can buy to head off any possibility that witnesses for the defense might have to submit to a lie detector test.

The architects of Bill 62 have claimed that the law was conceived and constructed in “religious neutrality”, which any number of people and organizations in and out of Quebec have roundly pooh-poohed as being disingenuous.

A mechanic from Montreal, Marcel Vaillencourt, suggested to FauxNews Today that the claim of “religious neutrality” as the intent behind crafting the new anti-face-covering law was: ”… un grand gros contrevérité” [roughly translated as: “… a fully-loaded nose-stretcher with a turbocharged V-8 engine.”]

A spokesperson for the government who spoke off the record about Bill 62 said: “Tous ceux qui disent que nous avons dit un gros fausseté sur nos motivations, devra prouver.” [Anyone who says that we have told a whopper about our motives, will have to prove it].

Clearly there cannot be two versions of the truth, so a lie detector test would be the only fool-proof method of determining who is guilty of exaggerating, fabricating, fibbing or omitting facts in this matter.

The courts will ultimately decide the outcome of Bill 62, however without a lie detector test Canadians may never know the true intent behind its crafting.  However before he went back to work, Monsieur Vaillencourt from Montreal offered his opinion, as a personal critique of the political process behind the passing of the anti-face-covering law.

“L’hypocrisie en démocratie pue très mal.” [“Democracy tainted by hypocrisy smells like a dead fish four-days-old.”] Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Toronto Sun, The Montreal Gazette/Allen McInnis ,   American Eagle Investigations, and  Global News