Secret CSIS Program Under Bill C-51 to De-radicalize Canadian Cats, Exposed To Public Scrutiny

Cat & Bird & Mouse-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Civil libertarians and PETA have sounded the alarm that the Canadian cat population is being selectively brainwashed. The brouhaha began after media outlets reported that the animal control division of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) is surreptitiously using its new powers under Bill C-51 to disrupt what the defenders say is normal behaviour for cats.

The publicity-shy spy agency hunkered down into a defensive posture when the news about its controversial practices broke on Friday and raised the ire of pet owners across the country.

“We’ve had to take these steps because of the ongoing violence against Canada’s birds and rodents,” said Oliver Forsythe, who is a feline psychologist and heads up the formerly secret CSIS animal control program. “And we do it by intervening directly with the cats to de-radicalize their behavior.”

This was the first time that CSIS has admitted the use of its new powers under Bill C-51 to disrupt the behavior of Canadian house-pets.

The feline “interventions” according to Forsythe, can take different forms. CSIS disruption powers allow the agency to interfere with feeding habits, naps and visits to the litter-box. If a cat has a Twitter account for the purpose of attracting birds, it may be monitored. A repeat-offender cat may even be catnapped from its owner’s yard and taken to a pound without a warrant.

The provisions of Bill C-51 that allow intrusiveness like this have garnered criticism from the outset. But despite the very vocal public opposition to this law, and despite its promise to do so, the government continues to drag its heels in terms of making any changes to protect feline rights.

“As Canadians we need to ensure that our cats set an example of civilized behaviour for the rest of the world,” Forsythe said. “We are working hard so that Canada becomes a safer place for its small feathered and furry fauna.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: Duke University/Scott Winton , Victor

Canada Crafting Federal Legislation to Make Unpopular Opinions Illegal, to Appease Mob

Social Media Mob-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Ever quick to kowtow to any frivolous demand for political gain, the Canadian government is now considering legislation that will make any opinion illegal that does not meet with the approval of the social media mob.

Canada’s newly-appointed Minister of Social Media, Wesley J. Cranshaw, is moving forward federal Bill C-16U, which follows closely on the heels of Bill C-16, its controversial antecedent.

Bill C-16 has been called, “idiotic”, “a travesty”, “an insult to common sense”, and “Naziesque” by various members of the public when a YouTube video went viral exposing the dangers inherent in the legislation.

Bill C-16U will go one better and change the federal human rights act and the Criminal Code to make any opinion illegal, if it is deemed to be unpopular by a social media mob.

There have been numerous objections to Bill C-16U, however as they are considered unpopular opinions, they have been ignored by the government. And after the passage of the Bill they will immediately be made illegal.

“Our goal is to show Canadians on social media that we are one-hundred percent responsive to their every wish, as long as it can be e-verified as the latest, most up-to-date popular opinion,” said Cranshaw. “As for unpopular opinions, they simply cannot be left to stand.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: Thougyhtfullydetached/ Andrew B. Myers, prop stylist Sonia Rentsch , Slideplayer