Report: 39% of Bacon Eaters Admit to Driving After Eating Bacon, Government Study Finds

Bacon Eater-FNT.pngOTTAWA – A study of bacon-eating Canadians conducted earlier this year and funded by Health Canada has turned up shocking results. Among the group surveyed aged 19 to 26 years, 67 percent admitted to getting behind the wheel of a vehicle within four hours of scarfing down a plateful.  If eggs were also involved, the percentage of bacon-impaired drivers rose alarmingly to 71 percent. The addition of a stewed tomato ratcheted the statistic up to a staggering 74 percent.

Older Canadians were apparently more cautious. In the age group from 40 to 55 years, the percentage who admitted to driving after eating bacon dropped to 26 percent and the variation in this demographic was negligible if a side dish was added.

This huge disparity in percentage between the post-brunch practices of younger and older test subjects was possibly explained when one confessed “lifelong bacon-eater”, age seventy-six, told the research team that he always liked to take a nap to “sleep off” a “real pig-out” and: “…didn’t really feel like taking the car out right away.”

So, on average, only 39% of bacon eaters admitted to driving after the consumption of bacon, an item on a bill of fare or refrigerator meat drawer that one health professional has called: “a lethal weapon in the hand of any chef.”

But this was enough for a firestorm to erupt within the earnest busybody circles of the electorate, who are happiest when conspiring to restrict the freedoms of others.  (Brain imaging has shown their pleasure points blipping the screen like UFOs, when contemplating ruining someone else’s pleasure.)

Statscan has determined that, as of early 2017, the consumption of bacon in Canada is on the rise and is now reaching a dangerous level. This most current survey contained 63 questions regarding bacon-eating and driving, including whether Canadians would object to being subjected to the indignity of roadside saliva testing if an officer suspected that bacon had been consumed in the previous 24 hour period.

Predictably, this question was answered with a “no objection”, 98 percent of the time.

A panel of nutritionists, health experts and representatives from Canada’s poultry industry has recommended that Canadians stop eating bacon altogether. However it conceded that if people MUST have their bacon, they should wait at least three days before driving after consumption. It also recommended no swimming after eating.

The results of this most recent study has also raised serious concerns and triggered feverish discussions within government circles. Someone discovered that there is currently no federal or provincial legislation in place that protects Canadians from the threat of bacon-impaired drivers. Can an anti-bacon task force be far behind? Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Keto Talk , Don’t Drive Stupid , The Rant-Bot

Besides Accused Translator, Other Accused Items Were also in The Room With Canada’s Prime Minister

Accused Russian Spy-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Canada’s Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, is involved in yet another media- steered drive-by scandal. According to articles in The Globe and Mail and CBC News, an:  “Accused Russian spy was in the room for Trudeau talks with Ukrainian PM.”  The event, which was captured by a photo attributed to CBC, took place in Canada in October of 2017. Apparently the man was standing close to power.

The accused Russian spy happened to be a translator who travelled to Canada with the Ukrainian political delegation. He has now been arrested in Ukraine and accused of treason by one of the many departments of that country’s security apparatus. The Security Service of Ukraine (SBU), which is the successor of the former Soviet KGB when Ukraine was part of the USSR, alleges that the translator “passed information to his Russian contacts.”

In the rush to get out the earth-shattering scoop however, the articles fall short of identifying other accused things that were also in the room along with the now accused translator (top left in the photo), the Ukranian Prime Minister, Volodymyr Groysman (2nd from right in the photo) and Prime Minister Trudeau (extreme right in photo).

There is Prime Minister Trudeau’s desk, which has occasionally been accused by cleaning staff of scratching the finish of the floor when it was moved aside to tidy up the room. It too, is often very close to power.

Then there is the photographer and the person in the extreme left of the photo with some sort of a reddish hat. He (seems to be male) is accused of not being identified in the photo, so they might possibly also be Russian spies as well. Once the accusations start being slung around, one can’t be too careful.

As the meeting between the two Prime Ministers was clearly high-level, then there is also the matter of the un-vetted sofa in the room which could certainly be accused of making serious dents in the carpet if someone hadn’t put those little coasters under its feet. Did anyone check for that? I thought not.

According to the article, a statement from the SBU indicated that the translator “had been under surveillance for a while but was allowed to go about his business as security officers gathered evidence.”

In spite of the sense of potential dire consequences to Canada that is implied by the news articles, this would seem to indicate to less paranoid folk that he wasn’t actually considered a threat to anything particularly important at all. Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original image at: CBC ,