Category: Ottawa

OACD Study Shows That Squirrels Are Better At Math Than Porcupines

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Mathematics-FNT-SmallOTTAWA – An international study that covered 58 countries and economies found that squirrels edged out porcupines when it comes to tested skills in mathematics. The results of the findings of the latest assessment by the Organization for Animal Co-operation and Development (OACD) were released on Tuesday. The OACD assessment takes place every four years.

More than a quarter-million squirrels and the same number of porcupines were tested on their skills and knowledge in mathematics. About thirty-two-thousand of these were Canadian squirrels and porcupines, in about equal numbers, from nine provinces and two of the three territories. Rodents from Alberta and Yukon Territory did not take part in the testing. Officials said that the animals there were sound asleep and missed the tests when they were administered.

The scores were then assessed in each OACD country and pooled together as a baseline average for the study. The results showed that squirrels in all 58 countries scored consistently higher than porcupines in mathematics, by an average of 3 percentage points.

Canadian squirrels and porcupines however scored noticeably low on the overall list of countries’ results, coming in sixteenth in the rankings. Their test scores in math were slightly above the average, but were disappointing compared to their front-running counterparts in China and Bulgaria, who came in first and second respectively.

“We were shocked and appalled to see such a noticeable decline in these key abilities among Canada’s most intelligent rodents” said Jasper Cunningham, an official from the federal Ministry of Animal Education in Ottawa. “The government will be taking action to correct this alarming disparity.”

No distinction was made for gender in the tests, a factor which the organizers argued over vehemently. Cunningham was vague as to the reasons for the gender-neutral tests saying that scoring them that way: “…would really have set the cat among the pigeons!”

He was definitive however when asked if the OACD could account for why squirrels scored consistently higher than porcupines on the tests.

“I’m sure it has to do with nuts,” he said. “Math is a fundamental skill when it comes to storing food for the winter.”   Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at Mental Floss, FantasyStock, and Times Higher Education

Canada Announces Time Zone Swap Credits Program To Launch in 2027

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Canada time Zone Swap System-FNT-newOTTAWA – The Canadian government announced today that it is launching a federal Time Zone Swap Credits Program (TZSCP), to begin on January 1st, 2027.  The program is similar to the existing carbon credit system adopted by governments to trade greenhouse gasses worldwide.

The new program, called “revolutionary”  and “cutting edge” by Monty Hardstraton, the newly appointed deputy minister in charge of TZSCP, will allow citizens in any Canadian province or territory to swap their time zone for another one anywhere in the world, if they get tired of the one where they are currently living.

“The aim of the program is to give people more choices,” said Hardstraton, in an exclusive interview with CBC national news anchor, Rhonda Pierpoint, on Friday. “We have completed a number of early studies and we know that’s what they really want.”

He also said that the reason that the TZSCP was initiated was to put an end “once and for all” to the tedious and time-wasting debate that currently takes place in Canada twice-annually about ending daylight savings time. “I don’t want to be guilty of cliché,” he stated, “but we have much more important fish to fry in this country.”

Hardstraton was unable to provide a lot of detail as to how the program would actually work, citing the ten-year planning process ahead. “We will be doing extensive consultations with people across the country,” he said. “Collaboration is what this government is all about.”

A leaked draft TZSCP policy document however showed that one of the early ideas under consideration allowed for citizens to purchase TZS Credits at ATMs or on their smartphones.

Hardstraton was also asked about the flexibility of the new program. Could, for example, Canadians who swapped their time zone for the one in Malta swap them back if they got tired of living on Malta time?

“We haven’t quite figured that out yet,” he said.  Source: FNT Staff