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Evidence Found that Bigfoot Family Lived Under B.C. Parliament Buildings

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B.C. Parliament Bldgs-FNT-SmallVICTORIA, B.C. – Signs of early non-human habitation found under the Parliament buildings this week appear to confirm the existence of the mythic creature Bigfoot, in British Columbia.

Workers installing electrical conduit in a little-used sub-sub-basement section under the B.C. legislature found strong indications that the area might have once been inhabited by a non-human species. This included coarse tufts of hair and several smudged footprints pressed into the clay sediment near the foundation.

Melanie Hodicka, a cultural anthropologist from Burnaby who works for the province, said her research team was brought in to investigate the evidence. Hodika, a Bigfoot researcher who earned her PhD in cryptozoology at the University of Wisconsin, was excited about the find.

“They just found some rocks in Labrador last week that show the earliest life on earth” she said, pointing to the taped-off area under the 120-year-old stone structure where technicians from the team were setting up equipment to excavate the site. “But what’s the big deal about finding some 3-billion-year-old graphite? This, this, kind of fieldwork, where we can study organisms with flesh and blood, is the real stuff of nature!”

Hodika said that findings like this are extremely rare because the elusive creatures tend to shy away from areas of dense human population. She said that the signs here pointed to the existence of not just one Bigfoot, but possibly an entire family of the mysterious species, that probably used the location as a winter home. She called the discovery “major cool”  and  “a breakthrough!”  The Parliament buildings were evacuated when the evidence was discovered for reasons of public safety.

Raymond Arbuckle, a Bigfoot researcher from the University of Calgary, challenged the evidence found under the Parliament buildings in Victoria, saying that they were “quite unlikely” because all previous sightings of the creature had been recorded in the B.C. interior. “How,” he asked, “did they get all the way over there to the island, from the mainland?”

“It’s possible,” Hodika said, “that they might have used the ferry.” Source: FNT Staff

Gatineau Spring Water Feeds Fountain of Youth Via Intracoastal Waterway

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Fountain of Youth-FNT-SmallST. AUGUSTINE, FLORIDA – Local officials were dismayed today when they received a test report from a federal lab about the water in a nearby park fountain. The test showed that it originated from an artesian spring located in Gatineau, Quebec.

“Oh, Judas Priest!” said Roald Martin, a hydrologic engineer who works for the State of Florida. “Normally water is just water, but not in this case!” He was referring to the park site listed on the National Register of Historic Places where the famed Fountain of Youth was said to have been discovered by Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon in 1513.

“This is a disaster,” said Michael Rodriguez, who heads up the visitors’ centre in St. Johns County. ”Just when tourist season is ramping up. Canadians won’t want to come here now when they find out they can get this same water at home!”

Roger Atwell, who sits on the St. Augustine police commission, had other concerns. “I don’t want to be the one who has to explain this to Homeland Security,” he said. “That water crossed over the U.S. border from Canada without any documentation.”

Pierre Duchesneau, a city official from Wakefield, Quebec, said he didn’t see any reason for alarm on that front. “NAFTA is still very much in place,” he said. “And our water gets a free pass.” He also said the ultra-pure Quebec eau de fonte artésienne probably reached the Florida fountain through the Intracoastal waterway. “If I can prove that,” he said, “We’ll be sending them a bill every month.”

The anomaly showed up when the water in the Florida park fountain was tested in preparation for a bulk sale to a research hydroponic operation. The botanists had planned to use it for a project to grow a prune cultivar without wrinkles.

Chief scientist Arnold Zeffareli of the federal test facility in Washington D.C., was able to shed some light on the method the lab used to prove that the water tested from Florida actually came from Quebec.

“It’s like a DNA test,” he said. “But with water.”          Source: FNT Staff