Category: Uncategorized

Custody Battle Over Bacteria Provokes International Incident on the International Space Station

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Internationaol Space Station-FNT-Small.pngGENEVA – Bureaucratic fisticuffs nearly broke out today between the United States and Russia over the ownership of a mysterious strain of bacteria that was discovered on the International Space Station (ISS). A Russian cosmonaut claimed that the bacteria, which was found on the outside of the ISS, was potentially alien in origin.

That the bacteria even existed where it did, was a curious anomaly of science. That it existed without political boundaries or restrictions of any kind was a burdock in the underwear of the statists of both countries.

In the current climate of suspiclon, the cosmonaut’s speculation set off a firestorm of mutual accusation. Political opportunists in the American and Russian state departments immediately sprang at each other’s throats, each charging the other with pilfering and perfidy in space.

The United States initially denounced Russia for the unusual “discovery” and accused it of lying about the alien origin so that it could stake a claim to the bacteria in the World Court.

Russia vehemently denied this and has countered with it’s own accusation that the United States was secretly developing the bacteria as a biological weapon to be used in a false flag attack so that Russia would be blamed.

At press time both sides were seconded in a neutral country, but not officially talking to each other. However a source who wanted to remain anonymous said that lawyers behind the scenes were in ongoing discussions about what exactly constitutes community property in space. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: ScienceOHolic, :GlycoNet

 

Report: Accumulating Space Junk Will Solve Earth’s Global Warming, Climate Change

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Space Junk Around earth-FNT-Small.pngHOUSTON – The prestigious, international Committee On Debris In Space (CODIS) has just issued a new report that has climate change and global warming advocates breathing much easier. The research shows that, at the current rate of space exploration, the amount of space junk circling the Earth will soon reach a point where it will stop the climate change that is now taking place on the planet.

There are currently more than 23,000 bits and pieces of space debris that are in orbit around Earth, and the numbers grow with every new launch of a vehicle into space.

These human-induced items that have become orbiting space junk may be as small as a fingernail or larger than a minivan.  They comprise things like used rocket parts, space stations that have spun out of control, dysfunctional satellites and even tools dropped by astronauts.

This ring of orbital trash circles the earth at roughly 10 times faster than a high-velocity rifle bullet and can stay up there for hundreds of years, creating the potential for collisions in space and making space exploration more dangerous as every year goes by. Self-introduced hazards however have never stopped humankind from heedlessly pressing ahead in the name of science, when it comes to any new venture.

And, according to the experts, it’s not all bad news. Once the circle of space junk around the planet gets thick enough, it will block out the sun, thus eliminating global warming and climate change. So, a big problem solved!

This news was so encouraging that, in the spirit of making lemonade when one is stuck with lemons, CODIS has titled the space-junk report: “Earth’s Silver Lining”   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Created from images at: Business Insider, The Paula Gordon Show