Category: United States

Report: Benign Anarchies With Sock Puppet Leaders Rated Most Stable Societies by all Main Agencies

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Banksy Anarchy-FNT-small.pngNEW YORK – The three main statistical ratings agencies, Standard & Poor’s, Moody’s and Fitch, have come out as unanimous that countries that function as benign anarchies with sock puppet leaders have the most stable societies. These findings fly in the face of previous studies, where AAA ratings were only bestowed on countries with thick layers of government control and massive bureaucracies.

Oliver Barnstable, a kombucha analyst with the ratings-agency group, said the reversal of the top-tiered status quo left him dazed and confused as to the natural order of things in life.

He said he felt that the new findings had nothing to do with the possibility that the previous ratings might have been based on a completely false precept and grossly exaggerated data leading to a blatantly bogus ratings narrative.

“I just don’t get it,” Barnstable said. “Why would people actually be happy out from underneath the heavy hand of the state, where they could have considerably more freedoms and even think for themselves? It’s not normal.”  Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Etsy, om pom happy , Jewish World Review

After Paradise Papers Revelation, New Jersey Declares Tax Haven Status to Attract More Wealth to State

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Tax Haven-FNT-Small.pngTRENTON, NJ – After the revelation in the Paradise Papers that Apple Computer and other wealthy corporate interests had established subsidiaries and large bank accounts in the UK crown dependency of Jersey, the American state of New Jersey lost no time in declaring itself a tax haven as well. The move was intended to show that the state is a business-friendly place to hang out.

“They may have thought of it first over there, but we don’t let any grass grow under our feet here,” said Alvin Haversham, a spokesperson for the Garden State. “And as offshore seems to be a dirty word nowadays, we’re able to offer people with big bucks the same fancy tax dodges right here in the good old USA, without the stigma and the media-induced guilt.”

Critics of New Jersey however have said that the state has long had an inferiority complex and the change to tax haven status was just sucking up to big money to make New York jealous because the two states have competed for years to become the perceived centre of the known universe.

And the highly unusual move also seems to have caught the office of the New Jersey state treasurer unawares. Leaked memos and e-mails from the treasury department to the legislature seem to indicate this with questions like:  “…..how will the state pay its bills now without tax revenue?” and “What the *&^%$#@# are you idiots trying to do, bankrupt us?”

Media outlets in New Jersey have also called the state to account for establishing what one daily newspaper called “tax sheltered safe houses for financial kleptomaniacs and “corporate welfare.” Another labeled the move “legislative sleight of hand” and submitted that the new tax haven status was “…a shameless attempt at pandering to society’s elites.”

New Jersey makes no apologies however for what it says “changes the tax paradigm for this state.” Proponents of the controversial move charge the critics with “class envy” and one economist called the faultfinders “financial illiterates.”

“It’s not rocket science,” said Haversham. “You have to spend some money to make more money. Everyone pays taxes. Some just pay a smaller percentage, but on a lot bigger bundle. We’re giving up a little to gain a lot.”  Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: OffshoreCorpTalk , : Daily Tech,  New Jersey 101.5