Montreal To Move City Underground Into Newly Discovered Ice Age Caves, to Save Energy

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Montreal-Ice-Cave-FNT-Small.pngMONTREAL– Following the discovery of a massive ice-age cavern beneath the city of Montreal, the city’s planners immediately saw the huge underground cave as a green energy opportunity. Montreal now is looking at moving the entire metropolitan area into the cavern, beginning on Saturday.

A member of the city’s planning committee, Marcel Archembault, sees the giant cavern that opens up deep underground Montreal’s Saint-Leonard Parc Pie-XII not far from Highway 40 as: ”…the most amazing money-saving opportunity for our city in this century.”

“It will stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer,” he said. “So no more huge utility bills for oil or natural gas.”

The massive cave that was just discovered by explorers was formed 15,000 years ago, experts say, as a result of pressure by the glaciers during the Ice Age.

“There’s plenty of water there too,” he said. “So there will be no need to build a separate reservoir for drinking water and taking showers.” The cave actually taps into the aquifer and explorers that discovered it used an inflatable canoe to get around, so now many Montrealers will be able to enjoy recreational boating, right from their front porches.

In spite of the rosy prognostications for Montreal’s exciting new green-energy initiative however, the city planners do see at least one cloud on the horizon after they make the move to take the city underground.

“Unfortunately, there is no glacial ice from 15,000 years ago remaining near there at all today,” said Archembault. “So after we set up everything again and have the city running smoothly down in the cavern, people will still need refrigerators to make ice cubes to chill their martinis and blend their smoothies.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC News / Société québécoise de spéléologie , Radio Canada International

Quebec Lawmakers Finally Run Out of New Ideas for Laws to Pass and Things to Ban

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Quebec-Ideas-Ban-FNT-small.pngQUEBEC CITY – After passing a law banning baseball (Bill 62-B) and having to fight a lie detector test in court to defend Bill 62, the Assemblée nationale du Québec has finally run out of new ideas for laws to pass and things to ban. One lawmaker that a reporter from FauxNews Today spoke with, seemed dazed and confused about the current state of affairs in the Assemblée nationale.

“On nous a tous dit de rentrer tôt à la maison, et de penser très fort.”, he said. Roughly translated this means: “They told us all to go home early, and put our thinking caps on.”

This does not come as a surprise to some. The Assemblée nationale has seen an almost non-stop flurry of legislative activity over the past few months. Lawmakers have attempted to pass legislation that would put a stop to almost every possible human activity that people might engage in, and especially those that they might enjoy.

First, there was Bill 62, which bans children from wearing Halloween masks on buses as well as people from wearing scarves and balaclavas in January on ski slopes funded by the provincial government. This law has been challenged in the courts.

Subsequently people are now being told that they cannot be courteous to others anymore, for fear of having someone from government in one’s face.

A Zamboni driver at Montreal’s Bell Centre who spoke off the record thought long and hard for a moment before he would comment on the sudden dearth of ideas in the Assemblée nationale. Finally he said: “Ça ne me surprend pas, ils ont brûlé leur petit cerveau.” [“…It does not surprise me. They have all worn out their tiny little brains.”]   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Madelaine Mautford , Gartner Blog Network