After Paradise Papers Revelation, New Jersey Declares Tax Haven Status to Attract More Wealth to State

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Tax Haven-FNT-Small.pngTRENTON, NJ – After the revelation in the Paradise Papers that Apple Computer and other wealthy corporate interests had established subsidiaries and large bank accounts in the UK crown dependency of Jersey, the American state of New Jersey lost no time in declaring itself a tax haven as well. The move was intended to show that the state is a business-friendly place to hang out.

“They may have thought of it first over there, but we don’t let any grass grow under our feet here,” said Alvin Haversham, a spokesperson for the Garden State. “And as offshore seems to be a dirty word nowadays, we’re able to offer people with big bucks the same fancy tax dodges right here in the good old USA, without the stigma and the media-induced guilt.”

Critics of New Jersey however have said that the state has long had an inferiority complex and the change to tax haven status was just sucking up to big money to make New York jealous because the two states have competed for years to become the perceived centre of the known universe.

And the highly unusual move also seems to have caught the office of the New Jersey state treasurer unawares. Leaked memos and e-mails from the treasury department to the legislature seem to indicate this with questions like:  “…..how will the state pay its bills now without tax revenue?” and “What the *&^%$#@# are you idiots trying to do, bankrupt us?”

Media outlets in New Jersey have also called the state to account for establishing what one daily newspaper called “tax sheltered safe houses for financial kleptomaniacs and “corporate welfare.” Another labeled the move “legislative sleight of hand” and submitted that the new tax haven status was “…a shameless attempt at pandering to society’s elites.”

New Jersey makes no apologies however for what it says “changes the tax paradigm for this state.” Proponents of the controversial move charge the critics with “class envy” and one economist called the faultfinders “financial illiterates.”

“It’s not rocket science,” said Haversham. “You have to spend some money to make more money. Everyone pays taxes. Some just pay a smaller percentage, but on a lot bigger bundle. We’re giving up a little to gain a lot.”  Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: OffshoreCorpTalk , : Daily Tech,  New Jersey 101.5 

Quebec Hires Legal Top Team to Fight Lie Detector Test In Court Challenge of Bill 62

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BILL 62 Vote-FNT-Small.pngMONTREAL – With the upcoming constitutional court challenge over Bill 62 (the Quebec anti-face-covering law) the province has hired a top legal team to vigorously defend against the use of a lie detector in determining some facts about the legislation. The controversial law, which forces individuals to remove articles of their clothing in a public place, is an especially egregious affront to women.

Bill 62 also bans children from wearing Halloween masks on buses as well as people of all ages and genders from wearing scarves and balaclavas in January on ski slopes funded by the provincial government.

This new legislation, which FauxNews today believes has no place in any country that professes to call itself a democracy, will be hard pressed to stand up to a constitutional challenge, on purely religious grounds alone. But the province has enlisted the best legal talent that public money can buy to head off any possibility that witnesses for the defense might have to submit to a lie detector test.

The architects of Bill 62 have claimed that the law was conceived and constructed in “religious neutrality”, which any number of people and organizations in and out of Quebec have roundly pooh-poohed as being disingenuous.

A mechanic from Montreal, Marcel Vaillencourt, suggested to FauxNews Today that the claim of “religious neutrality” as the intent behind crafting the new anti-face-covering law was: ”… un grand gros contrevérité” [roughly translated as: “… a fully-loaded nose-stretcher with a turbocharged V-8 engine.”]

A spokesperson for the government who spoke off the record about Bill 62 said: “Tous ceux qui disent que nous avons dit un gros fausseté sur nos motivations, devra prouver.” [Anyone who says that we have told a whopper about our motives, will have to prove it].

Clearly there cannot be two versions of the truth, so a lie detector test would be the only fool-proof method of determining who is guilty of exaggerating, fabricating, fibbing or omitting facts in this matter.

The courts will ultimately decide the outcome of Bill 62, however without a lie detector test Canadians may never know the true intent behind its crafting.  However before he went back to work, Monsieur Vaillencourt from Montreal offered his opinion, as a personal critique of the political process behind the passing of the anti-face-covering law.

“L’hypocrisie en démocratie pue très mal.” [“Democracy tainted by hypocrisy smells like a dead fish four-days-old.”] Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Toronto Sun, The Montreal Gazette/Allen McInnis ,   American Eagle Investigations, and  Global News