NASA Scientist Loses Dunkin Donuts Gift Card Discount Privileges Over Flat Earth Society Membership Disclosure

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Flat Earth-FNTPASADENA, CA – The discovery on Wednesday that a leading NASA climate change researcher was a member of the Flat Earth Society led to calls for his resignation from several scientific boards on global warming. Then things took a turn for the worse when Dunkin Donuts revoked his gift card discount privileges.

“That really stung,” said Barney Grosskurth, who holds a doctorate in climate science and lectures at Caltech. “I could have lived with the loss of prestige, but to take away my ten-percent? That’s a sucker punch right in the wallet.”

Grosskurth said that the firestorm of controversy began after his name was discovered on the Flat Earth Society’s membership list when their database was hacked. Then someone reported it on the climate change denial hotline; 1-888-RAT-FINK.

He shrugged off what his accusers are now calling “environmental heresy” as a minor youthful indiscretion.

“I signed up years ago just for yucks when I was an undergrad, and went to a couple of meetings.” he said. “It was a good way to meet girls. Now I’m being labeled a denier, my Twitter account has been suspended and no one will return my e-mails.”

As Grosskurth was speaking with FauxNews Today, a middle-aged couple drove up in a diesel Humvee and slashed the tires on his Toyota Prius.  “Oops, I guess mom and dad heard about the membership thing too,” he said.

At press time, representatives for NASA, Dunkin Donuts and the Flat Earth Society were unavailable for comment. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: The Guardian, Flat Earth Society, and NASA

New Quebec Law Bans Baseball Caps In Public Places – Cites “Sports Neutrality”

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Quebec-FNT-Small.pngQUEBEC CITY – The Assemblée nationale du Québec has passed new legislation that will ban anyone from wearing a baseball cap, while delivering or receiving a public service, including public transit. The law, Bill 62-B (B for baseball cap) tabled in the name of “sports neutrality” will apply to public workers at all levels as well as the general public.

The new legislation comes fast on the heels of Bill 62, which bans children from wearing Halloween masks on buses as well as people from wearing scarves and balaclavas in January on ski slopes funded by the provincial government.

The anti-ball cap law was met with both cheers and boos from people across the Province of Quebec. A welder from Rimouski, Pierre Desjardins, applauded Bill 62-B.

“What’s the big deal? We don’t have a baseball team anymore since the Expos left and now people will be able to tell us from Americans.”

Roger Letellier, a postal worker from Pointe Claire is opposed to the new law. “Ils deviennent trop gros pour leur pantalon, [They are getting too big for their britches]” he said of government. “If this is a sports neutral law, that also means hockey as well as baseball. C’est une pente glissante. [It’s a slippery slope.] What’s next? Will they ban jocks and cups too?”

A spokesperson for the government who spoke off the record said that Bill 62-B “…montre que l’état est neutre, mais que nous sommes le patron et que nous pouvons faire tout ce que nous voulons. […shows the state is neutral, but that we are the boss and can do anything we want.]”   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Toronto Blue Jays  Clker.com and Madelaine Mautford