Vermont Satirical News Site “The Winooski” Nominated For The Pulitzer Prize For Fake News

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The Winooski-FNT-smallNEW YORK – The American satirical news website with a focus on the bucolic state of Vermont, The Winooski, has been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for Fake News. As the Pulitzer Prize nominating committee did not issue a formal announcement, the first newsflash was initially dismissed by the mainstream media as being “completely bogus.”

The Winooski’s Pulitzer nomination was accidently leaked to the media today via the Twitter account of Reginald Waldridge, who is a committee member-at-large. He believed that he was only sending the submission to the other committee members, however he had mixed up his account settings and the tweet was inadvertently broadcast to the entire Twittersphere.

After the initial shock wore off, the chair of the committee was quick to give The Winooski nomination “two thumbs up.” He spoke on the record, but asked that his name not be used because he didn’t want to have to change his telephone number.

“Well, why not The Winooski?”, he asked, and then noted that the question was rhetorical.  “Certainly there are other excellent fake news sites out there, but The Winooski is one of the very few, perhaps the only one, that consistently sticks to its knitting. It bills itself as Vermont-centric; its slogan is Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire, and it delivers, big time.”

Reginald Waldridge, who did have to change his telephone to an unlisted number, agreed with the chair.

“If you want to read all about bears and cows and leaves and maple syrup, The Winooski is your go-to place,” he said. “Its coverage of Vermont flora and fauna has been nothing short of spectacular. It also spoofs hard-hitting issues. Not always comfortable to read, but it gets people thinking. ”

Not everyone agreed with the nominating committee’s choice. The President of the United States was rumoured to be miffed about two recent Winooski articles that mentioned his name; Donald Trump Disbands Vermont After Remarks from Gov. Scott and Trump Pardons All Those Who Voted For Him.

The committee chair said of the POTUS’ concerns: “I expect to get a furious tweet about it, before I have my morning coffee.”

When contacted for a comment on the highly controversial nomination, a spokesperson for The Winooski said: “A Pulitzer Prize, you say? Well, it’s about time!”

Photo credit: Original images at: The Winooski, Pulitzer Prizes, Unofficial Networks,

City Of Toronto Certifies Canada’s First Completely Gluten-free Neighbourhood

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Toronto-FNT-SmallTORONTO– Canada’s largest metropolis has scored another major “first“ for the country, with a trailblazing model-community initiative. The city’s Fads, Trends and Groupthink Department has certified a twenty-block-square district of Old Toronto as the nation’s first entirely gluten-free neighbourhood.

“We can now start to call ourselves world-class again,” said Seth Burnside, Toronto’s Director of Municipal Fads at a media conference he had called to announce the success of the project. “I mean we were seriously losing ground when it came to biggest, best and first. But this puts us back on the map!”

Burnside was referring to the city losing its tallest free-standing structure status a decade ago as well as its Guinness Book of World Records longest street in the world designation.

Phase one of the gluten-free neighbourhood calls for shutting down all restaurants and grocery stores within the area, that serve or stock gluten products. When asked about the Twitter promotional hashtag for the project (#zerotoleranceforgluten), a spokesperson for the mayor’s office, Janice Stenowski, adamantly rejected the suggestion that an all-out gluten ban for residents might be next.

“Trust me,” she said. “The legislators would never do that sort of thing!” She then ducked out to “find a place, any place”, to legally have a quick cigarette.

Stenowski, also strongly denied that the initiative had been conceived “in self-centred desperation” to counter the growing anti-Toronto movement, as had been claimed by some critics. “Its not snobbish or elitist,” she said. “There’s no shame in a city considering itself more cosmopolitan, urbane and sophisticated than anywhere else in the country, when its true.”

Finally, she pooh-poohed the idea that Toronto was discriminating against people who ate biscuits and scones and Wonder Bread made with regular flour. “People who liked such things” she said, with a perceptible shudder that appeared to be revulsion, “were welcome to consume any amount they wished, just not in this neighbourhood.”

The city’s Economic Development Department and the Toronto Real Estate Board have praised the initiative; issuing a joint media release that invites all “A-listers, one-percenters and other beautiful people” to “consider making Toronto your new gluten-free home.” Studies show that gluten sensitivity seems highly prevalent among people with large disposable incomes, an elevated sense of self-importance and a lot of free time on their hands.

Ultimately, the plans call for Toronto’s new trend-setting, gluten-free community to be gated behind an eight-foot high metal fence, but in the meantime the area will be initially cordoned off with Day-Glo® orange tape to identify and mark the borders.

“It’s just a stopgap because we’ve got to get the project launched right away,” said Burnside. “We’re still looking for someone to pay for the fence.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Condo.ca  and Coconut Bliss