New Research Cites Medical Marijuana Successfully Tested As Cure For Warts

Medical Marijuana-FNT-Small.pngHAMILTON – A team of two medical research professors and a graduate student from McMaster University has published a research paper that concludes that medical marijuana is a sure-fire cure for warts. The paper, however, is not without controversy.

“There’s been a bit of blowback,” admitted Harlan Olrudson, MD-PhD., who led the four-year medical cannabis wart-removal study. “Health Canada has called for an independent peer review on the results and we had a scolding e-mail from a woman in Saskatoon who told us that the only two known methods to get rid of a wart for certain were to rub it with a frog, or sell it to someone else.”

“I wouldn’t worry about the Health Canada thing,” said Nestor Gzennko, the team’s graduate student. Gzennko said he had “burned the midnight oil” for many nights in the lab to generate much of the research data for the project. “HC got a complaint about the paper from those aggies, and they had no choice but to respond.”

Roger Coleson-Lee, MD, who acted as medical research officer for the project, explained that the “aggies” were plant scientists at the University of Guelph, who were also doing research on medical cannabis. Coleson-Lee allowed that there had been a bit of friction between the research groups at the two universities that were only a few miles apart. “But it’s no more than a friendly academic rivalry,” he said.

Gzennko, who was wearing a tee-shirt with large lettering on the front that read: Some weeds are GOOD weeds!, disagreed adamantly about the conflict.

“Those plant nerds were insanely jealous that we tapped into some big-time project funding that they missed, so they lodged a phony complaint,” he shouted. “They need to butt out!”

He also let slip that the McMaster team’s medical cannabis research was funded by Charlie and Mary Jane’s Potato and Pot Emporium, a multinational agri-business that operated a 200,000 square foot greenhouse facility in Aberfoyle, Ontario.

Olrudson was confident that the Health Canada inquiry would come to nothing and that the results of their “budding” cannabis research on treating warts would be fully embraced by the medical community. “Our science,” he said, “is Teflon-coated and bullet-proof.”

“But,” he admitted, “I am a bit worried about that woman’s e-mail from Saskatoon.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Vice News, WebMD

Government Plans Glass-covered Dome Over Canada’s Parliament Buildings

Parliament-Dome-FNTOTTAWA – An architectural engineering firm from Tuktoyaktuk, NWT has been awarded a federal contract for $3.5 million to draw up a design and blueprints for a proposed glass-covered dome over Parliament Hill in Ottawa.

The government unveiled its proposal for “Hilldome on the Rideau” today as part of its GreenEnergy 2050 initiative. Scott Archambault, the CEO of Dreamscape, Scapegoat & Associates Inc., the Canadian company that was awarded the winning bid, was on hand for the announcement.

“We’re thrilled to pieces about this,” he said. “Now Ottawa can hold its head up with the really great cities of the world that have domes, like Toronto, Montreal, Milwaukee, Houston, Dubai and almost Winooski.  And we promise that it will be built with 100% Canadian content.”

Hilldome on the Rideau will be different than some of the large, well-known urban domes in that it will not have a retractable roof. Archambault explained that: “they’re really quirky and tend to stick and hang up when you don’t want them to, like the convertible top on my eighty-six Mustang.”

The 950,000-square-foot dome will be fully climate-controlled however. Archambault pointed out that it won’t need heating in the winter and the plans call for the glass panels to be completely removed for the summer months.

“That way we save big-time on air-conditioning, which you don’t really need in Ottawa even in July,” he said. “And the glass panels have to be washed anyway. So, we kill three birds with one stone. Oops, forget what I said about the stone.”

The official opposition has expressed concerns about the contract, mainly the cost.

“Well, part of that three point five mil is for learning on the job,” Archambault said. “We’ve actually never designed one before, but how hard can it be?” Source: FNT Staff

Credits: Original images and inspiration at: Architectural Digest, UnofficialNetworks