Ottawa Bans Asteroid From Entering Earth’s Atmosphere in Canadian Airspace

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Asteroid-FNT-01-smallOTTAWA – The federal government responded instantly today to rising public concerns that possibly a rogue asteroid would pass dangerously close to Earth on Thursday. It snapped into action and banned the space rock from entering the atmosphere in Canadian airspace.

“So Canadians can rest easy in their beds tonight,” said James Warrington, a spokesperson for the aerospace sector of Canada’s ministry of public safety. “The thing was definitely a potential hazard but it can’t come anywhere near us now because it will be against the law.”

He was referring to Asteroid 2012 TC4, a hunk of space debris with a diameter the length of a railway locomotive. A number of experts had advised that the asteroid would pass the planet inside the moon’s orbit, but would miss Earth by 50,000 kilometres. The government, however, was taking no chances.

“I mean, 50,000 kilometres is just a tiny drop in the big bucket that is space,” said Warrington. “That’s much too close for comfort. Remember what happened to the dinosaurs. And MPs had phone calls and e-mails from nervous constituents all across the country who were worried about a collision. So the legislature met in an emergency session and the government took the necessary action on behalf of all Canadians.”

Prior to Thursday’s ban, there were no federal regulations that prevented asteroids from crashing to Earth on Canadian soil. Warrington called the legislative sanction “unprecedented” and “a major Canadian step in planetary defence and public safety.”

He offered no assurances however when asked about how the wayward space rock might affect Canada’s close neighbor, the United States.

“Well, they’re our good friends and all, but Canada can’t lose any sleep over what might happen in another country,” he said. “If they think there’s any danger, they can pass their own law banning it there.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC / NASA/JPL-Caltech,

Two Canadian Provinces Issue Hazard Warnings About Fall Foliage Danger

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Gatineau Fall Foliage-FNT-smallQUEBEC CITY / TORONTO – In a rare display of bureaucratic unanimity, two Canadian provinces issued public hazard warnings today about the dangers of viewing this year’s fall foliage, without appropriate eyewear. Leaf experts in Ontario and Quebec had alerted the provincial governments that the colours of the foliage this year were exceptionally vivid and a potential health hazard.

“We can’t take chances with public safety when the colours get this bright and laser-sharp,” said Alfred Ottenburg, a spokesperson for the Ontario ministry of moss and foliage in Queen’s Park. “Too many people wound up in the hospital with eye damage three years ago when they viewed the foliage without government-approved leaf goggles.” Ottenburg stressed that the leaves had also been unusually “intense and vivid” in 2014.

Jean-Paul Carboniere, who is with le ministère des feuilles et de la mousse in Quebec City, echoed Ottenburg’s stern caution.  “We’re here to protect people from their worst impulses,” he said. “Here in Quebec, there are massive leaf-watching events every weekend.  Eye damage from looking directly at the fall leaves in their colourful totality, can be dynamite!”

As yet, there are no federal regulations that prevent people from viewing unsafe fall foliage.

Both Carboniere and Ottenburg advised that if leaf peepers were careful to wear protective eyewear, there would be no danger. Speaking for both ministries, Ottenburg emphasized that leaf-peeping goggles were available from their respective provincial organizations for $895.00, plus sales tax.

“Or you could get them at Wal-Mart for $3.49,” he said, but they’re not government approved.”  Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Ottawa Citizen/Kourtney Derouin