Unidentified Artifacts Discovered In King Tut’s Tomb Found To Be Multivitamins

King Tut Montage-FNT-Small.pngVALLEY OF THE KINGS– Archeological experts have confirmed that previously unidentified artifacts found in the tomb of the boy king Tutankhamun almost a hundred years ago are children’s multivitamins.

The pill-size gray oblong objects originally discovered among the funerary objects had been sitting in a formerly unclassified assortment of other flotsam from the site, since 1922. They were accidently included with a box of items sent along for analysis when a DNA test was done on the mummified remains in 2008.

“It’s one of the most important discoveries to come out of ancient Egypt,” said Raoul Gazarra, who heads up the largest exhibit of Tutankhamun artifacts, which is now on a seventeen country world tour. “I mean, think about it, vitamins….wow! It’s the strongest evidence as to why, other than the tad of scoliosis and the cleft palate, no serious congenital abnormalities were found in his mummy. They were way ahead of their time back then, when it came to looking after their health.”

The find was greeted by initial skepticism from the rest of the scientific community, but Gazarra put that down to what he said was “professional jealousy”. And he bristled when asked why it had taken the archeologists ninety-five years to identify and catalogue the vitamins.

“They had just been tumbled in among the walking sticks and shrine panels and such, and frankly, we just hadn’t gotten around to sorting them out,” he snapped.

Gazarra also said that one of the reasons for the long delay was that the objects had been offhandedly dismissed by the original team of artifact typologists as “maybe pebbles” or “possibly the petrified fecal material of a small rodent, eewwwww.”

The confirmation of the multivitamin discovery has not only stirred up the scientific community, but he said that there was commercial interest as well. When asked what it did for the future of the Tutankhamun exhibit, he was sanguine.

“We’re golden,” he said. “I think it’s safe to say that it puts paid to the alleged Curse of the Pharaohs. The funding opportunities here are enormous. We got a licensing offer from the Flintstones people just yesterday.” Source: FNT Staff

 

Photo credit: Original images by Lonely Planet/ WitR  and AP Photo/Mohamed El-Dakhakhny

 

Canada Announces Time Zone Swap Credits Program To Launch in 2027

Canada time Zone Swap System-FNT-newOTTAWA – The Canadian government announced today that it is launching a federal Time Zone Swap Credits Program (TZSCP), to begin on January 1st, 2027.  The program is similar to the existing carbon credit system adopted by governments to trade greenhouse gasses worldwide.

The new program, called “revolutionary”  and “cutting edge” by Monty Hardstraton, the newly appointed deputy minister in charge of TZSCP, will allow citizens in any Canadian province or territory to swap their time zone for another one anywhere in the world, if they get tired of the one where they are currently living.

“The aim of the program is to give people more choices,” said Hardstraton, in an exclusive interview with CBC national news anchor, Rhonda Pierpoint, on Friday. “We have completed a number of early studies and we know that’s what they really want.”

He also said that the reason that the TZSCP was initiated was to put an end “once and for all” to the tedious and time-wasting debate that currently takes place in Canada twice-annually about ending daylight savings time. “I don’t want to be guilty of cliché,” he stated, “but we have much more important fish to fry in this country.”

Hardstraton was unable to provide a lot of detail as to how the program would actually work, citing the ten-year planning process ahead. “We will be doing extensive consultations with people across the country,” he said. “Collaboration is what this government is all about.”

A leaked draft TZSCP policy document however showed that one of the early ideas under consideration allowed for citizens to purchase TZS Credits at ATMs or on their smartphones.

Hardstraton was also asked about the flexibility of the new program. Could, for example, Canadians who swapped their time zone for the one in Malta swap them back if they got tired of living on Malta time?

“We haven’t quite figured that out yet,” he said.  Source: FNT Staff