Apple Inc. Buys Ireland To Settle the Country’s Tax Claim Against the Corporation

Apple-Ireland-FNT-Small.pngCUPERTINO, CA – Tech giant Apple Inc. managed to settle a contentious $20 Billion (Cdn) bill for back taxes and increase its assets and net worth in one fell swoop on Wednesday, when it bought the Republic of Ireland for an undisclosed price. The joint tax settlement and purchase and sale agreement for the country, was closed on a handshake.

“Hey, it was either make a deal or argue with the EU in court again about the back taxes and escrow,” said a spokesperson for the Irish Revenue Commissioners, who wouldn’t give his name. “And we didn’t want to risk that, because, between you and me, it could have gone either way. Besides, Apple has more money than we do, and now they are responsible for our national debt, so it’s a bargain all around.”

Apple Inc. Has worldwide sales of $229 billion and has been consistently ranked as the most valuable brand on the globe. .As the news of the settlement and purchase spread, the company’s stock price spiked sharply and crashed the NASDAQ website. The financial media have been quick to dub what many believe is a sweet deal for Apple as: “the Dublin Coddle.”

When FauxNews Today contacted Apple’s corporate comptroller for a comment on the unusual transaction, he said that the details of Apple’s purchase and sale of Ireland were very hush-hush.

“But I can tell you,” he said, “that we will put the check in the mail.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Fortune , GP Wealth Management ,  Flamborough Information & Community Services , EU Rail , Linkedin Learning/Apple Inc.  and Phoenix Property Master

Apple Inc. Shareholders Vote Down Proposed Corporate Name-change


Apple Inc.-FNT-01-SmallCUPERTINO, CA – A fractious annual general meeting of the tech giant Apple Inc. nearly ended in what one corporate insider called “potential disaster”. After a fierce debate, the shareholders voted today to reject a proposal to change the name of the iconic forty-year-old corporation to Orange Inc.  The no vote was carried by a narrow margin of one percent.

Apple, with worldwide sales of $229 billion, has been consistently ranked as the most valuable brand on the globe, so the proposal to change the name pitted traditionalists against new age thinking.

“I’m deeply disappointed” said Alvin Holstead, a shareholder from Los Angeles, who proposed the name change and led the discussion from the floor. “I mean, let’s get with it, people! Why must we always remain in lockstep with the past?”

Holstead, who called himself an “activist”, a “foodie” and an “advocate for oranges everywhere” said that he owns ten shares of stock in Apple Inc. His impassioned speech caught the attention of another like-minded shareholder at the meeting. James Archer from Tampa, Florida, who owns thirty shares of Apple stock, seized upon the idea and threw his full support behind it.

“It’s really all about personal choice,” said Archer. “I’ve always liked oranges better than apples, and anyway, they’re better for you, with all that vitamin c and such.”

As the news of the debate over the name spread to the public before the vote, the stock price of Apple Inc. dipped sharply and temporarily wiped billions of dollars of investment capital off the NASDAQ.

The financial media have termed the controversy: FruitGate. The market has now recovered, but uncertainty lingers about the future.

Holstead and Archer were unrepentant about the Apple contretemps. They have formed an organization they are calling Change-for-the-sake-of-Change, and are signing up names for their cause.

“Well we may have lost round one, but we’ll be back here at the annual meeting again next year,” Holstead said. “I mean, if orange is the new black, why can’t it be the new Apple?” Source: FNT Staff


Photo credit: Original images by: Linkedin Learning/Apple Inc. , School of Thinking, and  Zurb Foundation