CUPERTINO, CA – Tech giant Apple Inc. managed to settle a contentious $20 Billion (Cdn) bill for back taxes and increase its assets and net worth in one fell swoop on Wednesday, when it bought the Republic of Ireland for an undisclosed price. The joint tax settlement and purchase and sale agreement for the country, was closed on a handshake.
“Hey, it was either make a deal or argue with the EU in court again about the back taxes and escrow,” said a spokesperson for the Irish Revenue Commissioners, who wouldn’t give his name. “And we didn’t want to risk that, because, between you and me, it could have gone either way. Besides, Apple has more money than we do, and now they are responsible for our national debt, so it’s a bargain all around.”
Apple Inc. Has worldwide sales of $229 billion and has been consistently ranked as the most valuable brand on the globe. .As the news of the settlement and purchase spread, the company’s stock price spiked sharply and crashed the NASDAQ website. The financial media have been quick to dub what many believe is a sweet deal for Apple as: “the Dublin Coddle.”
When FauxNews Today contacted Apple’s corporate comptroller for a comment on the unusual transaction, he said that the details of Apple’s purchase and sale of Ireland were very hush-hush.
“But I can tell you,” he said, “that we will put the check in the mail.” Source: FNT Staff