Report: Political Ideas Labelled New Found to be Factory Seconds and Scratch and Dent Items

Factory Seconds-FNT-small.pngOTTAWA – A report from the political science department at the University of Ottawa has shed light on why the current spate of political ideas and practices seem dilapidated, shabby, flawed and they fail prematurely. The U of O study found that a great many ideas that were being touted as fresh, original and ground-breaking were all either factory seconds or scratch and dent items that had been polished up a bit and sold as brand-new in the box.

“Certainly goes a long way to explaining the current state of affairs in governments here at all levels,” said Professor Jason Pfisterman, who headed up the research project. He was reluctant to name names however, muttering something under his breath about “jeopardising his funding.”

The revealing report stirred up criticism among some citizens however. Arnold Wonburn, a latte taster from Aurora Ontario, was incensed at the discovery. “I didn’t vote or anything,” he said, “but I feel ripped off by my government representative, whoever he or she is.”

The federal government responded to the controversy by setting up a toll-free hot line in Ottawa for people from across the country to call in and leave their concerns on voice mail, after listening to an apology on a pre-recorded message.

Several media outlets have called the revelation “shocking” and “potentially criminal, in light of the fact that factory-second ideas have no consumer warranty.”

The phenomenon also appears to be more widespread than originally thought.

“You understand that this particular report only speaks for the Canadian political scene,” said Professor Pfisterman. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if these results proved the same for politics the world over.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Nambucca Valley, : Simplysfdc, University of Ottawa, Northumbria Students Union,

Quebec Hires Legal Top Team to Fight Lie Detector Test In Court Challenge of Bill 62

BILL 62 Vote-FNT-Small.pngMONTREAL – With the upcoming constitutional court challenge over Bill 62 (the Quebec anti-face-covering law) the province has hired a top legal team to vigorously defend against the use of a lie detector in determining some facts about the legislation. The controversial law, which forces individuals to remove articles of their clothing in a public place, is an especially egregious affront to women.

Bill 62 also bans children from wearing Halloween masks on buses as well as people of all ages and genders from wearing scarves and balaclavas in January on ski slopes funded by the provincial government.

This new legislation, which FauxNews today believes has no place in any country that professes to call itself a democracy, will be hard pressed to stand up to a constitutional challenge, on purely religious grounds alone. But the province has enlisted the best legal talent that public money can buy to head off any possibility that witnesses for the defense might have to submit to a lie detector test.

The architects of Bill 62 have claimed that the law was conceived and constructed in “religious neutrality”, which any number of people and organizations in and out of Quebec have roundly pooh-poohed as being disingenuous.

A mechanic from Montreal, Marcel Vaillencourt, suggested to FauxNews Today that the claim of “religious neutrality” as the intent behind crafting the new anti-face-covering law was: ”… un grand gros contrevérité” [roughly translated as: “… a fully-loaded nose-stretcher with a turbocharged V-8 engine.”]

A spokesperson for the government who spoke off the record about Bill 62 said: “Tous ceux qui disent que nous avons dit un gros fausseté sur nos motivations, devra prouver.” [Anyone who says that we have told a whopper about our motives, will have to prove it].

Clearly there cannot be two versions of the truth, so a lie detector test would be the only fool-proof method of determining who is guilty of exaggerating, fabricating, fibbing or omitting facts in this matter.

The courts will ultimately decide the outcome of Bill 62, however without a lie detector test Canadians may never know the true intent behind its crafting.  However before he went back to work, Monsieur Vaillencourt from Montreal offered his opinion, as a personal critique of the political process behind the passing of the anti-face-covering law.

“L’hypocrisie en démocratie pue très mal.” [“Democracy tainted by hypocrisy smells like a dead fish four-days-old.”] Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Toronto Sun, The Montreal Gazette/Allen McInnis ,   American Eagle Investigations, and  Global News