Tag: Canada

Annals of Education: History Now Banned From Classrooms – Deemed “Offensive”

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Classroom-Ban History-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Following a recommendation from a panel of international “experts” in education, the federal government will now ban the teaching of history in the nation’s classrooms. The newly established orthodoxy has it that: “offensive facts must be banned, for the public good”.

A spokesperson for the federal government, Clive Knickerson, explained that the department of education drew up the innovative new policy in response to a “critical post on Twitter by an A-list celebrity” who had expressed concern that some history is not only offensive, but also might be dangerous for children.

The post had set off a tsunami of social media commentary and Knickerson said that in the light of this e-clamour and “for the sake of the children” the feds had “no choice” but to “be seen to be doing something about it.”

“So the department took action immediately,” he said. “It was too important to the public to delay, and it is the safest way to protect all Canadians.” He allowed however that “If a B-list or C-list celebrity or an ordinary citizen had raised the issue, it might have taken longer to come to a decision.

Knickerson was quick to officially rebuke a Facebook post from a concerned citizen who submitted that history should be exposed to the public, not buried, so that people could learn from the mistakes of the past.

“Remember that Henry Ford said ‘History is bunk!’ “, he texted back to the poster, referring to the industrialist who gave the world the mass-production fossil-fuel-burning automobile.

He also defended the move by government to ban history from classrooms as a matter, of necessity, to hold on to power. “We’re capitalizing on a current social trend in order to remain relevant to the voting public,” he said.

“After we remove historical statues from public view, change the names of schools and public buildings and ostracize the descendants of long-dead persons for long-ago transgressions, we have to take this to the next level. And banning things is what governments do best.” Source: FNT Staff

 

 

Photo credit: Original images by: Wikipedia, : Harshlight

Canadian Designer Uranium Rated # 1 in the World by Consumer Research Group

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Uranium Ore-FNT-Small.pngLONDON, UK – Canada caught a major break today amid the murky dealings of the international uranium sales and service industry. Canadian-branded designer uranium has been given a #1 consumer rating by an international consumer research group.

Uranium industry spokesperson, Alden Pepperdine, explained why this positive endorsement has suddenly resulted in brisk worldwide sales for the unique new Canadian-branded product, when interest in standard garden variety uranium has been flagging for the last three decades.

“Canadian uranium is trending on social media today as pure authenticity,” said Pepperdine. “And in this business authenticity is everything.”

Pepperdine said that because of its genuine designer branding, Canada’s atomic number 92 yellowcake now fetches as much as eleven times the normal futures price in the world marketplace.

“The number one rating shows that the Canadian brand is clearly a cut above the rest,” he said. “So it’s no surprise that it fetches a premium, darlings.”

He also believes that, in the long run, the current buzz around today’s news will ultimately help Canadian uranium to shed the unsavoury taint of Russian association that it had acquired. “Russia, bad!” said Pepperdine. “And Canada, good.”

“And, I mean uranium’s gotten a bad rap over the years, with its million year half-life and the toxic waste thing,” he said. “So this top consumer rating for the unique Canadian brand will go a long way toward changing that negative perspective.”

Pepperdine also said that he expects even greater things for Canadian uranium after it struts its stuff for the top prize at the annual world uranium spectacular in Los Alamos, New Mexico next month.

Canada’s unique designer uranium will be featured there, along with regular uranium from a number of other countries, including Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and the United States. Pepperdine speculated that Canada’s “free-spirited, “without limits” uranium, will “win in a walk.”

“In the uranium business, it’s all about the wow factor,” he said. Source: FNT Staff

 

 

Photo credit: Original images by: Earth Times, Wikipedia , Uranium One  and Preb’s Retreading