Tag: Canada

Canada Cancels F-18 Aircraft Purchase From Australia-Will Buy Used Fighter Jets On E-Bay

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F-18 Hornet-E-Bay-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – Twelve hours after Canada announced that it planned to buy eighteen previously owned F-18 fighter aircraft from the government of Australia, it abruptly banked left and decided that it would go shopping for the used jets it needed on E-bay instead. This new information was leaked to the media by an embarrassed government procurement specialist who gave his name as “Stanley”, said it was a nom de guerre, and spoke off the record, citing potential career reprisals as the reason.

Replacing Canada’s fleet of fighter jets has been a source of controversy for almost a decade now, and while the current government wished to hasten things along with the purchase of the Australian F-18s, Stanley said that they narrowly missed making a very poor bargain.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t sign the purchase order to the Aussies because we got a much better deal online,” he said. “It even includes free delivery.” He went on to explain the circumstances that caused them to nix buying the fighters from down under and deal in the world of e-commerce instead.

“It was my Aunt Susan who put me on to it,” he said. “She likes a bargain and buys tonnes of stuff off of E-Bay. When she showed me how easy it was, I said, why not? Have you heard about PayPal?”

Notwithstanding the big price advantage, Stanley said he was genuinely bewildered by all the fuss his decision had caused. He told FauxNews Today that he had become persona non grata with his colleagues and bosses who had to scramble around for answers to the government and the public for switching to the unconventional purchase protocol for the F-18 fighters.

“We’ve had all kinds of flak from media on this,” he said. “And I don’t know why. Thanks to Aunt Susan, I saved the Canadian taxpayers millions of dollars.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Wikipedia, TechCrunch , HCG Drops

Latest Scientific Study Shows Correlation Between Full Moon and Full Yoga Classes

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Full Moon-Yoga-FNT-Small.pngTORONTO – Four Post-doctoral researchers in the faculty of astronomy and astrophysics at the University of Toronto have just published a scientific paper that links the influence of a full moon to yoga class attendance. Its bottom line: a full moon equals a full-to-overflowing yoga class. The paper has raised eyebrows in astronomy circles around the world and is not without its detractors.

“What bunkum!”, said Carl Poindexter, Ph.D. a professor of astronomy at the University of Chicago. “It’s right up there with UFOlogogy.” Doctor Poindexter is the author of what has been said to be the definitive study on how a full moon affects milk production volume on dairy farms. He said the U of T study was “badly flawed” because the researchers didn’t take the effects of a supermoon into consideration.

Alfred N. Carnegie, who headed up the U of T research, suggested that “professional jealousy” might be behind the criticism, and said that he stands behind his team’s results “one-hundred-and-five percent.” “It’s typical academic back-biting,” he said of Professor Poindexter’s comments. “He can’t stand to think that we may have crossed a frontier in moon science before he got there.”

Reached for a rebuttal, Doctor Poindexter was succinct. “Until they can produce a litmus test, they can all smooch my nalga,” he said, and hung up the phone.

But science skeptics notwithstanding, the U of T research on the full moon effect has gained a popular following.

Rhonda Miklewaite is a yoga instructor and the proprietor of Yoga and You, a studio in the West Edmonton Mall. She waved a copy of the Toronto team’s research results in the air as she told FauxNews Today that she is not surprised at how their study turned out because she has to turn people away at the studio door on days when there is a full moon.

“Nobody can tell me that correlation is not causation,” she said. “I’ve known it all along, but now I’ve got the proof right here.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Port Macquarie News , Groupon