Report: Scientists Find That Australian Megabat Flying-foxes Are Main Cause of Climate Change

Australian Bats-Climate Cng-FNT-Small.pngQUEENSLAND – A remarkable new climate change study by a group of scientists who were originally studying chaos theory has concluded that the Australian Flying-fox, a megabat that is sometimes seen as a ‘menace to society’ in its native habitat, is largely responsible for causing the huge variations in climatic conditions that have been happening around the world.

“I know that flies in the face (pun not intended) of the prevailing wisdom about climate change,” explained Rodney Overclause, Ph.D, who headed up the controversial research project involving the megabats. “But if you understand chaos theory, and look at it from that perspective, it’s the only logical explanation.”

A simplified description of chaos theory uses an example of the “butterfly effect”, basically that tiny changes introduced into a dynamic system will ultimately cause huge changes to happen down the road. An example might be: a butterfly flapping its wings in Japan can introduce enough change in a weather system to cause a wind-driven tsunami on the coast of California.

The study and report have raised the hackles of climate scientists around the world, with it being called in various quarters such names as: “egregious psudeoscience”, “climate heresy” and “pure poppycock”. The chaos theory scientists however are quick to defend the results of their research.

“I mean, just put two and two together,” said Doctor Ian Roganski, another of the researchers on the team’s controversial megabat climate change project. “If you consider what damage a butterfly can do, think about this. Flying-foxes are the largest bats in Australia. They weigh a couple of pounds each and have three-foot wingspans, for Pete’s sake. And they nest in great big colonies.”

His colleague jumped in to further add to the debate that, at the time of publication, is still raging.

“So can you imagine the effect of a couple of thousand of those big suckers taking off all at once?” Overclause asked. “Why, it just boggles the mind!”  Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: Australian Museum , Scientific American

Climate Scientists Wrong: Sea Levels Not Rising; Continents Sinking Under Weight of Bitcoin

Continents-FNT-Small.pngWASHINGTON, D.C.– The World Bank received a contrite report on Tuesday from a consortium of climate scientists, with a shocking admission that walks back decades of climate research. A new study has shown that sea levels around the world are not rising as they originally had thought.

Instead, the researchers now believe that the continents are sinking….under the weight of Bitcoin. And the answer, it seems, is not to be found in science, but in finance. The climate scientists, en masse, have thrown up their hands and appealed to the World Bank to: “…do something …anything…about it, or we will all be doomed!!”.

“Unfortunately, one of our lot misplaced a decimal point in one of the calculations for a climate mapping model back in 1986, and we’ve been using the same computation as a predictor ever since,” said Stephan Gorschich, P.h.D., an environmental analyst, who spoke to FauxNews Today on behalf of the consortium. “So, yeah, we fouled up big time, if you want to rub it in.”

Gorschich explained that a lot of time had been wasted in building up seawalls to keep out rising water in low lying areas of the world because of their erred climate model. “But we had a eureka moment when Bitcoin hit ten grand, and London sunk down by a full seven inches,” he said. “We had it wrong. The sea isn’t rising, it’s the land that is subsiding from all that weight. So, sorry about that.”

The scientists say the matter is now out of their hands. They are relying on the World Bank to rally the financial community and shut Bitcoin down, before it is too late and the entire global land mass is under water. A member of the consortium who spoke off the record said that he had sold all of his Bitcoin the week before and invested the proceeds in rice futures.

“Rice grows well in wet conditions,” he said.

The climate scientists explained as well that the phenomenon of land subsidence is not really new. Before the glaciers melted, the land that had been under billions of tons of ice had been severely pushed down, but when the ice disappeared it popped right up again.

“But that was 15,000 years ago, well before Bitcoin,” said Gorschich. And people have short memories, so they wouldn’t remember what it was like then.”    Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Fortune ,Nations Online,  :