Huge Hyper-arid Desert Discovered Near Centre of Amazon Rainforest

Amazon Rainforest Desert-FNT.pngMANACAPURU, BRAZIL – Municipal officials were staggered today to learn that a huge hot and arid desert has been discovered within a fifty-minute helicopter ride from the city of Manacapuru. The desert, as yet officially unnamed, is larger than the Arabian Desert and second only in size only to the Sahara and the polar deserts. It covers almost one million square miles.

The area where it was found lies northwest of Manacapuru. It bisects the Rio Negro River and is located on a direct flight path in and out of Eduardo Gomes International Airport (MAO). It was discovered by a group of high school students from who were on a nature hike in the rainforest.

“We were shocked to find out about it, as it’s not on any of our maps” said Hugo Silva, a municipal official from Anamã. “But we see it as a good thing because when the word gets out, it should definitely bring more tourists to the area.”

Cartographers around the world are scrambling to determine how and why a desert with an area larger than Mexico could exist undiscovered for so long in the days of satellites and Google Maps.

Matheus Henrique Sousa, a scientist who works for the Bureau of Cartography and GIScience in Rio de Janeiro, and is an expert on the tropical rainforest effect, provided an explanation for the oversight. “It’s a strange one, I’ll admit,” he said. “But the answer is quite simple. It’s the sheer density of the arboreal canopy in that region. No one can possibly see through it from the air, not even Google Maps.”

Guilherme Oliveira, who heads up the Manacapuru department of tourism agreed with Hugo Silva, his municipal counterpart from Anamã. “Absolutely surprising. I mean, who knew, right? We’re been known as a rainforest kind of place for years. But if you get lemons, you make lemonade. And you can sell a lot of that in a desert.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at Wikipedia and WorldAtlas

NAFTA Talks Abruptly Stalled Over Health Care Coverage For Zombie Illegals

Illegal Zombies-FNT-SmallOTTAWA – Round eleven of the NAFTA renegotiation talks screeched to a halt today as representatives from all three countries disagreed to agree on a critical issue: health care coverage for Zombies that crossed over international borders in either direction.

There have been a number of stumbling blocks to renewing the North American Free Trade Agreement between Canada, the United States and Mexico. This one however threatens to shunt it off the rails permanently. All three countries agree that top-notch health care for everyone is a shared goal. They just disagree on how to go about it for Zombies who are in their countries without proper documentation.

“They may have a pre-existing condition,” said David Anderson, the Canadian negotiator who arrived in Ottawa from Summerside P.E.I. six months ago for the NAFTA talks. “But in this country we are committed to universal health care. We can’t deny them insurance just because they came here illegally.”

Miguel Perez, the representative from Mexico, agreed that all Zombies deserved to have access to the best medical care, whatever country they were in, but had grave reservations about the costs.

“If a Zombie sneaks down from Montreal and slips across the border to Tijuana, who will pay for it if he winds up needing an emergency liver transplant?” he asked. “We won’t turn them away from the hospital, but we reserve the right to send the bill to Canada!”

The negotiator from the United States, Roy Ernheart, said that Washington’s priorities were “firm” and that its position on Zombie health care coverage hadn’t changed. “It’s an individual responsibility,” he stated emphatically. “We’ve got the Affordable Care Act, but it doesn’t cover everyone and right now it’s up in the air. So even if they tunnel into America, from either the north or the south, they need to buy medical insurance before they cross under the border.”

All three negotiators were quick to downplay any suggestion that their country might have a hidden Zombie anti-immigration agenda. Anderson, the Canadian, spoke on the record on behalf of the group.

“We welcome diversity,” he said.   Source: FNT Staff


Photo credit: Original images by Imgflip & Clipart Panda