Ten Canadian Provinces File Federal Class-Action Lawsuit Against Each Other

Supreme Court-FNT-smallOTTAWA – In a convoluted legal contretemps, all ten Canadian provinces have signed on to a class-action lawsuit headed for Canada’s Supreme Court. The provinces are suing each other over an interprovincial trade dispute involving the country-wide, cross-border movement of air and water.

“It’s precedent setting,” said Rory B. Halorrhan QC, who is the lead litigator on the complicated file. “It’s the first time anyone has been able to get all the provinces to agree on anything.”

He also admitted that the case has been challenging.

“Frankly, it’s a logistical nightmare,” he said. “We needed three tractor trailers just to get the paperwork to Ottawa.”

Halorrhan is a partner in the Toronto law firm of Newcastle, Smith, Jones & Halorrhan LLP, which initiated the class-action suit on behalf of the provinces.

The joint statement of claim charges that all provinces had been in violation of the free trade provisions of the Constitution Act of 1867 because each province had enacted legislation that restricted the movement of goods covered by the federal Intoxicating Liquors Act (IILA), across provincial borders.

“And we’ve established that air and water are definitely goods,” Halorrhan said, holding up an open-topped can of air and a plastic bottle of water fixed with embossed plastic labels that said ‘air’ and ‘water’, as evidence in the case.

“Now stay with me, because here’s where it gets a bit byzantine,” he said. “Water is a principal ingredient in beer, wine and liquor and there is air in the bottles and cans they are packaged in. So that proves that the provinces all had trade barriers against air and water.”

The suit claims that each province owes $5 billion in penalties to the province on either side of it for restricting interprovincial trade on air and water. In the case where a province is only bordered by one other province, it owes $10 billion, “on general principle”, Halorrhan said.

Some federal and provincial legislation involving interprovincial trade has been relaxed recently but he clarified that the suit covers violations retroactively going back to 1928.

Newcastle, Smith, Jones & Halorrhan LLP is handling the class action suit for a ten percent contingency fee.

“The law is very clear on this. It’s all in the minutiae,” Hallorrhan said, “When we win, I have a house picked out in Rosedale.”

He also explained why the three Canadian territories weren’t part of the class action.

“All in good time,” he said. We’ll be bringing them on board for the next one. I love my job.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC/Sean Kilpatrick/Canadian Press   and Wikipedia  

RCMP Change Questions for Asylum Seekers to Fruit And Vegetable Preferences

Asylum Seekers-FNT-smallOTTAWA – In response to an article in the Toronto Star, the RCMP has changed the personal questions on an interview screening-form for people wanting to enter Canada as refugees. They are now screening asylum seekers with questions about their personal preferences in fruits and vegetables.

The change to the screening questionnaire came after the government was accused of singling out Muslims who sought refuge in the country to escape persecution. The previous document trampled all over asylum seekers’ personal space and assaulted their dignity by asking probing but irrelevant questions involving their articles of clothing, cultural customs and religious practices. The information was then stored in a police database.

FauxNews Today reached a data analyst for comment about the new interview questions on the form, at the Mounties’ headquarters in Ottawa. He refused to give his real name, citing “national security”, but agreed to speak anonymously, going by the pseudonym of “Ron.”

“Ron” admitted that he and many of his analyst colleagues were disappointed that they weren’t allowed to ask questions and collect personal information about “hijabs and niqabs” now, but he was adamant that the “new and improved” forms would successfully screen refugee claimants for “inclusiveness and fealty”, pick up on any “moral failings” and above all, “help make Canada a safer place to live”.

“We know that terrorists eat fruits and vegetables,” he said. “And we know that people who like apricots and celery can’t be trusted. So once we get the information from the screening questionnaires entered into our databases, we’ll know exactly who the potential terrorists are, and Canadians will be protected.”

“Ron” wouldn’t say how the security establishment had determined that asylum seekers who liked apricots and celery couldn’t be trusted, claiming that the data they had collected was “highly classified” and “couldn’t be released because of national security.”

He swore that the research was sound, however, and that his credentials included three doctorates, one in psychology, one in plant science and one in Microsoft Excel.

“Trust me,” he said. “I have twenty-one post-nominal letters after my name, so I know what I’m talking about.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC , Yasaroglu Apricot CO. and Top Spot Fruit Mart