PARIS– Representatives of the 195 countries that signed the Paris climate agreement are now rushing to get back to the city again, in a panic. They have been urgently forced to rewrite the accord, as it has been rendered “untenable” because the world’s carbon footprint has suddenly been pushed off the scale.
A radical increase in greenhouse gas emission has been traced to the worldwide press coverage of the romantic relationship and pending marriage of two of Earth’s seven billion people. The phenomenon has rung alarm bells in all corners of all countries, sparked riots in remote villages and induced hysteria in several tea-rooms.
A climate change delegate from London, Eiichi Furukawa, explained that it wasn’t possible now to keep the global temperature rise below 2 degrees Celsius anymore because the demand for newsprint worldwide had suddenly skyrocketed. Thus the call for the emergency meeting in Paris; to crunch out new numbers and recast the agreement.
The experts had determined, he said, that carbon dioxide emissions had spiked worldwide due to the continued global reportage of the UK royal relationship. Furukawa estimated that it just might be possible to keep Earth’s temperature rise below 3 degrees Celsius, but he hinted that people shouldn’t hold their breath.
“My daughter covered the latest story for one of the tabloids,” he said. “ And as I got to the airport this morning I noticed crews loading pallets and pallets of those newspapers on to a whole lineup of cargo planes, with her article splashed all over the front page. “I can’t wait to tell her. It’s all very exciting.” Source: FNT Staff