Tesla’s New Spark-a-matic Electric Wheelbarrow to launch in Spring of 2018

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Wheelbarrow-FNT-Small.pngPALO ALTO, CA – Fast on the heels of the electric semitractor-trailer and lightning-fast electric Roadster, Tesla Inc. will be launching an innovative new wheelbarrow into the marketplace in the spring of 2018. The company has said that its patented, all-electric Spark-a-matic barrow ‘will revolutionize lawn and garden practices worldwide.’

Tesla Inc. now the second largest US automaker by market value, has been making electric vehicles for more than ten years. The leading-edge Spark-a-matic, with its sleek Gucci knock-off coach design, is just the latest of the company’s surprise inroads into wheeled transportation.

The move fits with Tesla’s stated goals of leading sustainable transportation as neatly as that last piece of a jigsaw puzzle that the cat knocked off the table and you had given up for lost. According to yet another new study by the UN that was cobbled together from random government statistics, conventional wheelbarrows account for nearly ten percent of wasted human energy and contribute significantly to greenhouse gas emissions.

The unveiling of the prototype Spark-a-matic caused a stir of excitement as bikini-clad models (Twitter warriors please take a pill –this is the auto industry, remember?) passed around specification sheets that listed features like: magnesium-alloy wheel, run-flat tire, oversize disc brake and long-life battery.

The Spark-a-matic will be available in one or two wheel versions and will retail for less than $25,000 (USD). The specifications claim that it will be able to travel from three to five miles on a single charge. Tesla insiders also said that once the futuristic wheelbarrow was in production, other additionally-priced options would likely include a side-mounted solar charging panel, a removable glass top for gardening in the rain and self-wheeling technology. Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Amazon/Seymour , Tesla

Nostradamus Estate Files Lawsuit Against Global Scientists for Copyright Infringement

~ FauxNews Today ~ Leave a comment

Earth-NASA-FNT-small.pngPROVENCE – The estate of the French seer Nostradamus, has filed a copyright-infringement lawsuit against a global group of scientists that predicted the end of the world with a ‘warning to humanity’.  The lawsuit comes on the heels of the group being accused by its own community of making ‘overheated claims’ and ‘scaremongering’, and adds potential financial injury to the insult of being dissed by its own peers.

The statement of claim filed by the Nostradamus estate charges that the scientists’ ‘warning to humanity’ was plagiarized directly from a 16th century quatrain by the great man himself, where his prophecies alluded to all manners of disasters yet to come that accurately foreshadowed the end of the world.

The lawsuit is a severe setback for the growth industry centred on the world’s climate, which skeptics point out is fueled in great part by phantasmagorical speculation based on scientific theory that cannot be proven or disproven by empirical methods.

“There goes my next year’s funding,” complained one scientist who said he was uncomfortable giving out his name. He said he was working on a new climate change model for earth that was predicated largely on human activity, but also factored in x-rays that emanated periodically from the planet Jupiter.

“No one’s brought in the Jupiter thing before,” he said. “So that should get me to the front of the funding queue. But, ever tried to get money for a project when you’ve got litigation pending? It’s a non-starter.”

The claim by the seer’s estate also put the kibosh on a start-up company that was selling ‘scientific séances’ with the ‘authentic ghost of Nostradamus’. A researcher could purchase a full half-hour persono-a-persono discussion with the ghost of the great man, while in a hypnotic trance. The service, which cost $1200.00, included the hypnosis, which could be done online. It was marketed via social media and was available to any accredited scientist with a Facebook account. There was a 10% discount for anyone who signed up for Amazon Prime.   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: CBC, NASA, Wikipedia, Digital Dealer,