Toronto Teachers Group Claims Fishing Industry Guilty of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

Codfish School-FNT-smallST. JOHN’S, NFLD – A furious fracas has broken out between a lobby group representing public school teachers from Toronto and Canada’s fishing industry. The teachers claim that the fishing industry has stolen a term, “school”, that is specific to their bailiwick. The federal government has stepped in to act as an arbiter.

“We can’t have these people from the fishing community misappropriating words,” said Belinda Fieldson, a kindergarten teacher from North York, who was carrying a sign that read ‘end the word-murder’. Roger Ainsworth, who teaches grade ten geography at a downtown Toronto school agreed with his colleague.

“Everyone knows that a school means children and buses and healthy lunches and things like that. I mean, does a school of fish make any sense at all?”

Ainsworth also had a picket sign that read ‘some words hurt.’ The two, who called themselves “Cultural Appropriation Activists”, were part of a group of twenty or more teachers picketing near the St. John’s Port Authority. They said they had taken a paid leave of absence from their jobs to be there.

The decision by the teachers to picket in St. Johns was apparently ‘triggered’ by a Toronto District School Board action that ruled certain words off limits, especially in Canada’s largest city.

“We take charges like this extremely seriously,” said Douglas Thornbury, an accredited mediator who works for the federal department of cultural misappropriation in Ottawa, which was set up recently to handle an increasing influx of complaints.

Thornbury said that it was possible that there was “micro-aggression” involved with the misuse of the word ‘school’ and if that was proven to be the case, “there could be a ripple effect. There are public health implications to consider.”

“We are talking trauma counseling here, at the very least, and maybe worse” he said.

The picketing teachers are demanding an apology, an official name change to depict a body of fish in Canadian territorial waters and financial recompense for what they say are “years of misappropriation.”

Robert Parsons, a St. John’s native and commercial fisherman, was asked for a comment while he was stocking his trawler for a trip to the Grand Banks. He pointed out that both the teachers group and the federal government arbiters were being paid with public funds and that he didn’t have a lot of time to talk because he “had to go out and earn a living so he could cough up the taxes that paid their salaries.”

“Some people,” he said, “have too much time on their hands.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Fauna and Flora International and  Summit Truck Group

Winnipeg Man Sells Rare Pothole Collection On eBay For Record $1.9 Million

Potholes-FNT-smallWINNIPEG – A local man’s diligent twenty-five year collecting hobby paid off today when he sold his large pothole collection on eBay for a record $1.9 million US dollars.

Jonathan Zurbytski, 46, from Fort Rouge, told FauxNews Today that the “bidding caught on fire” during the last five minutes of the auction for the extensive collection of more than eight-thousand potholes, and that the record-setting selling price was “completely unexpected”.

He said that he believed that one of the reasons that the price “went through the roof” for his collection was that they were mainly Winnipeg potholes. The few exceptions were three that he had once picked up on a trip through Regina and five or six from a street near the exit of a Tim Hortons in Moncton, New Brunswick. He got those, he explained, when he was visiting his sister, in January of 1998.

“But all the rest were from here at home,” he said, proudly. “And history has shown that potholes are not only more profuse here in Winnipeg, but they are vastly superior to what you might find anywhere else in the world.”

In spite of the financial windfall, the Winnipeg native said he had “mixed feelings” about boxing up his collection of twenty-five years and sending it off in the mail. “It feels like selling off a body part,” he said.

Still, he couldn’t help but gloat over the profit that he made.

“Most I ever paid for one was fifteen bucks for a unique, star-shaped beauty that I found way out on Henderson Highway, and then I thought I was getting ripped off. But who knew how they’d appreciate? Just goes to show…”

Zurbytski let drop that the winning bid for the collection had come from a pothole museum in Phoenix, Arizona.

“They don’t get near as many out there in the desert so this collection was an extremely rare find. That’s why they paid top dollar.” Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Access Winnipeg, Mark Griffith and eBay