Rounding Error Discovered In Canada’s Federal Budget Shuts Down Government

Trudeau-Morneau-budget-FNT-Small.pngOTTAWA – The workings of Canada’s federal government came to a grinding halt on Thursday when a team of forensic chartered accountants reported a suspected rounding error in the 2017 budget document. The revelation threw the treasury board clerical staff into a tizzy and sent economists across the country scrambling for their calculators to project the potential damage to the Canadian economy.

“We’re definitely in non compos mentis mode here,” said a treasury board insider who declined to give his name as he said he feared he would be targeted for retribution if they knew he had finked. “The government has stopped issuing checks and payments until we know for certain if Canada actually has any money.”

The S&P/TSX Composite index immediately swooned by three-hundred points when the news of the bumbled budget broke, and the Canadian dollar also took another tumble, bottoming out at .7760036521 cents American.

The word of the government’s latest crisis of confidence spread like a wildfire, on social media. Within minutes after the story aired on CBC, a group of federal employees paraded around the Centennial Flame on Parliament Hill carrying picket signs and chanting: “We’re mad as Hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.” One of the worker’s signs read: “First it was Phoenix, now this!  Get it together Justin!”

A government tiger team of seventy-three specially-trained economists, chartered accountants and baristas worked through the night to track down the errant decimal point and analyze the damage. They were forced to do their calculations with abacuses by candlelight and brew coffee on Coleman stoves as Hydro Ottawa had switched off the power for non-payment and refused to turn it on unless the bill was settled in cash.

At three o’clock on Friday morning one of the accountants shook his beads in the air and called for calm. He said that his group had found the pesky rounding error and Canada wouldn’t have to declare bankruptcy after all. “We’re still golden,” he said. “The original budget was only off by eighteen dollars and sixty-one cents.”

“Thank God for that,” another one said. “Because we’ve all been on overtime for the last eleven hours.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: National Post,

Notable Newfoundland Town Rumoured To Be On Shortlist For Amazon HQ2

Tilt Cove NFLD-FNT-small.pngST. JOHN’S – A newsworthy town from rural Newfoundland has made the headlines yet again today. Tilt Cove, a quiet historical settlement on the province’s picturesque Baie Verte Peninsula, is rumoured to now be on the shortlist to become home to Amazon North, the location of the Seattle company’s new second headquarters.

With the deadline for applications now passed, the Canadian locations that tendered bids for Amazon’s coveted HQ2, are now talking about their chances to become a municipal partner with the world’s largest online merchandise seller.

A spokesperson who heads up a group called: Invest Tilt Cove, gave an account of the town’s prospects in the race, and speculated as to why it hadn’t shown up on the original list of Canadian bidders. He agreed to speak off the record because of what he said would be “a plethora of nuisance phone calls” if his name went public.

“Well, we would have liked to have had headquarters number one here, but obviously Seattle got there first,” he said from a Tilt Cove phone booth, “so we’ll have to settle for coming in second. But, it’ll be good for the town.”

He explained that any details of an Amazon bid would naturally have to be kept secret but said that if one looked hard for information that “it was probably out there.”

He also let slip that, in the early excitement, an Invest Tilt Cove YouTube video had been leaked to the public, which revealed that the town had promised to put in another street light to coax the tech giant to Newfoundland.

As for the speculation about where Tilt Cove stood on the short list, the spokesperson disclaimed any responsibility.

“Who knows where all the buzz started? I blame the Internet,” he said. “But if two or more people agree about a rumour, it must be true, right?”   Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: Huffington Post/ Lily Collins/Facebook, CBC News, and, USA Today, Elaine Thompson, AP,