After Paradise Papers Revelation, New Jersey Declares Tax Haven Status to Attract More Wealth to State

Tax Haven-FNT-Small.pngTRENTON, NJ – After the revelation in the Paradise Papers that Apple Computer and other wealthy corporate interests had established subsidiaries and large bank accounts in the UK crown dependency of Jersey, the American state of New Jersey lost no time in declaring itself a tax haven as well. The move was intended to show that the state is a business-friendly place to hang out.

“They may have thought of it first over there, but we don’t let any grass grow under our feet here,” said Alvin Haversham, a spokesperson for the Garden State. “And as offshore seems to be a dirty word nowadays, we’re able to offer people with big bucks the same fancy tax dodges right here in the good old USA, without the stigma and the media-induced guilt.”

Critics of New Jersey however have said that the state has long had an inferiority complex and the change to tax haven status was just sucking up to big money to make New York jealous because the two states have competed for years to become the perceived centre of the known universe.

And the highly unusual move also seems to have caught the office of the New Jersey state treasurer unawares. Leaked memos and e-mails from the treasury department to the legislature seem to indicate this with questions like:  “… will the state pay its bills now without tax revenue?” and “What the *&^%$#@# are you idiots trying to do, bankrupt us?”

Media outlets in New Jersey have also called the state to account for establishing what one daily newspaper called “tax sheltered safe houses for financial kleptomaniacs and “corporate welfare.” Another labeled the move “legislative sleight of hand” and submitted that the new tax haven status was “…a shameless attempt at pandering to society’s elites.”

New Jersey makes no apologies however for what it says “changes the tax paradigm for this state.” Proponents of the controversial move charge the critics with “class envy” and one economist called the faultfinders “financial illiterates.”

“It’s not rocket science,” said Haversham. “You have to spend some money to make more money. Everyone pays taxes. Some just pay a smaller percentage, but on a lot bigger bundle. We’re giving up a little to gain a lot.”  Source: FNT Staff  

Photo credit: Original images at: OffshoreCorpTalk , : Daily TechNew Jersey 101.5 

Canadian Designer Uranium Rated # 1 in the World by Consumer Research Group

Uranium Ore-FNT-Small.pngLONDON, UK – Canada caught a major break today amid the murky dealings of the international uranium sales and service industry. Canadian-branded designer uranium has been given a #1 consumer rating by an international consumer research group.

Uranium industry spokesperson, Alden Pepperdine, explained why this positive endorsement has suddenly resulted in brisk worldwide sales for the unique new Canadian-branded product, when interest in standard garden variety uranium has been flagging for the last three decades.

“Canadian uranium is trending on social media today as pure authenticity,” said Pepperdine. “And in this business authenticity is everything.”

Pepperdine said that because of its genuine designer branding, Canada’s atomic number 92 yellowcake now fetches as much as eleven times the normal futures price in the world marketplace.

“The number one rating shows that the Canadian brand is clearly a cut above the rest,” he said. “So it’s no surprise that it fetches a premium, darlings.”

He also believes that, in the long run, the current buzz around today’s news will ultimately help Canadian uranium to shed the unsavoury taint of Russian association that it had acquired. “Russia, bad!” said Pepperdine. “And Canada, good.”

“And, I mean uranium’s gotten a bad rap over the years, with its million year half-life and the toxic waste thing,” he said. “So this top consumer rating for the unique Canadian brand will go a long way toward changing that negative perspective.”

Pepperdine also said that he expects even greater things for Canadian uranium after it struts its stuff for the top prize at the annual world uranium spectacular in Los Alamos, New Mexico next month.

Canada’s unique designer uranium will be featured there, along with regular uranium from a number of other countries, including Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and the United States. Pepperdine speculated that Canada’s “free-spirited, “without limits” uranium, will “win in a walk.”

“In the uranium business, it’s all about the wow factor,” he said. Source: FNT Staff



Photo credit: Original images by: Earth Times, Wikipedia , Uranium One  and Preb’s Retreading