Tag: United States

Vermont Satirical News Site “The Winooski” Nominated For The Pulitzer Prize For Fake News

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The Winooski-FNT-smallNEW YORK – The American satirical news website with a focus on the bucolic state of Vermont, The Winooski, has been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for Fake News. As the Pulitzer Prize nominating committee did not issue a formal announcement, the first newsflash was initially dismissed by the mainstream media as being “completely bogus.”

The Winooski’s Pulitzer nomination was accidently leaked to the media today via the Twitter account of Reginald Waldridge, who is a committee member-at-large. He believed that he was only sending the submission to the other committee members, however he had mixed up his account settings and the tweet was inadvertently broadcast to the entire Twittersphere.

After the initial shock wore off, the chair of the committee was quick to give The Winooski nomination “two thumbs up.” He spoke on the record, but asked that his name not be used because he didn’t want to have to change his telephone number.

“Well, why not The Winooski?”, he asked, and then noted that the question was rhetorical.  “Certainly there are other excellent fake news sites out there, but The Winooski is one of the very few, perhaps the only one, that consistently sticks to its knitting. It bills itself as Vermont-centric; its slogan is Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire, and it delivers, big time.”

Reginald Waldridge, who did have to change his telephone to an unlisted number, agreed with the chair.

“If you want to read all about bears and cows and leaves and maple syrup, The Winooski is your go-to place,” he said. “Its coverage of Vermont flora and fauna has been nothing short of spectacular. It also spoofs hard-hitting issues. Not always comfortable to read, but it gets people thinking. ”

Not everyone agreed with the nominating committee’s choice. The President of the United States was rumoured to be miffed about two recent Winooski articles that mentioned his name; Donald Trump Disbands Vermont After Remarks from Gov. Scott and Trump Pardons All Those Who Voted For Him.

The committee chair said of the POTUS’ concerns: “I expect to get a furious tweet about it, before I have my morning coffee.”

When contacted for a comment on the highly controversial nomination, a spokesperson for The Winooski said: “A Pulitzer Prize, you say? Well, it’s about time!”

Photo credit: Original images at: The Winooski, Pulitzer Prizes, Unofficial Networks,

NAFTA Talks Abruptly Stalled Over Health Care Coverage For Zombie Illegals

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Illegal Zombies-FNT-SmallOTTAWA – Round eleven of the NAFTA renegotiation talks screeched to a halt today as representatives from all three countries disagreed to agree on a critical issue: health care coverage for Zombies that crossed over international borders in either direction.

There have been a number of stumbling blocks to renewing the North American Free Trade Agreement between Canada, the United States and Mexico. This one however threatens to shunt it off the rails permanently. All three countries agree that top-notch health care for everyone is a shared goal. They just disagree on how to go about it for Zombies who are in their countries without proper documentation.

“They may have a pre-existing condition,” said David Anderson, the Canadian negotiator who arrived in Ottawa from Summerside P.E.I. six months ago for the NAFTA talks. “But in this country we are committed to universal health care. We can’t deny them insurance just because they came here illegally.”

Miguel Perez, the representative from Mexico, agreed that all Zombies deserved to have access to the best medical care, whatever country they were in, but had grave reservations about the costs.

“If a Zombie sneaks down from Montreal and slips across the border to Tijuana, who will pay for it if he winds up needing an emergency liver transplant?” he asked. “We won’t turn them away from the hospital, but we reserve the right to send the bill to Canada!”

The negotiator from the United States, Roy Ernheart, said that Washington’s priorities were “firm” and that its position on Zombie health care coverage hadn’t changed. “It’s an individual responsibility,” he stated emphatically. “We’ve got the Affordable Care Act, but it doesn’t cover everyone and right now it’s up in the air. So even if they tunnel into America, from either the north or the south, they need to buy medical insurance before they cross under the border.”

All three negotiators were quick to downplay any suggestion that their country might have a hidden Zombie anti-immigration agenda. Anderson, the Canadian, spoke on the record on behalf of the group.

“We welcome diversity,” he said.   Source: FNT Staff

 

Photo credit: Original images by Imgflip & Clipart Panda