VIENNA – Following the announcement of the world’s first successful human head transplant performed on a corpse, scientists have pushed out the envelope yet again with a full human head and torso transplant performed on a horse. The operation was performed by a team of surgical interns who came together from three countries.
A spokesperson for the team, which also included a veterinarian, a retired jockey and consulting pedicurist, said the public could read about the procedure shortly in medical journals, as well as in Variety, as the details were filmed for a documentary as well as a major film release.
When asked why the scientific and medical communities were wreaking such debasing indignities on humans and animals, the lead surgeon, Dr. Ishmael Smith-Jones, waved a scalpel dripping with blood in the air and said: “Because we can!” The controversial procedure however, is not without its critics.
“Have they considered the psychological trauma to the horse when it wakes up and finds out that it doesn’t particularly care for grass, hay and oats?” asked Doctor Stanley Cochinsky, an equine psychiatrist , counselor and whisperer, who was trained in the Freud method. “I think not!”
Professor Carl Manechewitz, PhD, who heads up the faculty of mythology and folklore studies at Casablanca University, called the procedure ‘mythological pollution’.
“They’ve seriously crossed a line here,” he said. “In the future, how will we be able to distinguish between actual Thessalian and Laconian Centaurs and just common garden variety transplant patients? It boggles the mind!”
When the news broke, governments and the top-tier corporations of the G20 countries scrambled to quickly find ways of putting this scientific breakthrough to practical use.
“There must be a lucrative market for it,” said a billionaire CEO who asked that his name be kept confidential. “Otherwise, why would they have done it?” Source: FNT Staff