POTUS Declares “It’s been a good year” – Decides To Extend 2017 By Executive Order

POTUS-Exec Order-FNT-Small.pngWASHINGTON, D.C. – The President of the United States, by his own admission, has had a very good year. And to ensure that it continues, he has, by Executive Order, extended 2017 indefinitely, until further notice.

“It was great,” he said. “Huge. I ran a fantastic campaign and absolutely won in a cakewalk. After being sworn in as POTUS in January of 2017, I had the absolutely best year, better than any other president. The others that had been elected before me were disasters, believe me. I’ve accomplished more great things this year than any POTUS has ever done, ever. So in recognition of that greatness, I decided to emancipate 2017 and have it carry on in its fantastic way, by Presidential Directive, which I assure you I have every right to do.”

“Executive Orders have the force of law,” he said. “So until this one gets blocked by the courts because I may have exceeded my authority, hey 2017, do your great stuff.”

“A few people have been spreading rumours about Russia and the election, and then there was that health care business, but both those things happened so yesterday that we really need to get past them now. That’s why I am extending 2017, because it was a lucky year for me. The stock market is up 5000 points and everyone is happy. I’ve made the country great again.”

He also cited the elimination of global warming as one of his achievements for 2017.

“Before I was elected, everyone said there was global warming. Now we don’t have it. Is there any better evidence than that?”

“Now, next year, 2018, when I decide to let it happen, will be even better. I absolutely guarantee it. I might do that, let 2018 come ringing in, and I might not, because this year has been such a great one for me, the greatest one for any POTUS ever, why should it end just because a calendar says so? The dishonest media will tell you otherwise, but that’s just fake news. You can believe me on that score.

“But I may just let 2017 continue right up until 2020, when I will be re-elected, because of the dishonest media. Without me, and you can take this to the bank, they would go right down the tubes.” Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: NBC News


CDC Surprised to Receive Replacement List of Seven Approved Words From Federal Administration

CDC-Atlanta-FNT-Small.pngATLANTA – A spokesperson for senior staff at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said the group was “dazed and confused” on Friday, immediately after  it received a list of seven words it was forbidden from using in policy documents. The edict from the federal government’s administration regarding prohibited words was followed up by a list of seven replacement words that were approved for use.

The confusion stemmed from the fact that while the words “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based” were forbidden, the seven replacement words, “sh*t”, “p#*s”, “f**k”, “c*#t”, “c#*ks*cker”, “mother*%#?r”, and “t**ts”, got comedian George Carlin arrested in 1972.

The approved replacement words, at the time, triggered off a firestorm of legal back-and-forth that ended up in a U.S. Supreme Court decision. The result was that some speech was government-regulated on television.

CDC, the nation’s top public health agency, is now engaged in striking a budget and other documents to be given to Congress. At issue for government are federal services for things like sexual orientation, gender identity and abortion rights. The documents, which will affect about $7 billion involving the health of the nation, usually line up with the administration’s policy priorities.

So while words like “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” etc. are out, George Carlin’s naughty words appear to have met with government approval.

“Staff opinion on this is split”, explained the CDC spokesperson. “Half of us think they opened up an old file cabinet and sent the wrong list,” he said. “And half of us think they’re serious. Source: FNT Staff

Photo credit: Original images at: PRI , PurpleClover , CBLDF