CANADIAN PRESS – Cynical skeptics who dismiss miracles as bunk and superstition, especially at Christmas, had their illusions rudely shattered during the holiday, this past week. After more than a year of invasive spying, non-stop gushing, rampant idle speculation and general mindless prattle focused on prosaic minutiae involving the day to day lives of just two youthful members of the 7.5 billion people on Earth, the media suddenly turned their attention to something else for a full seven minutes.
“It was a bona fide miracle!” exclaimed Todd Rolephson, a certified egg and turnip candler from London who has also worked as a part-time chauffeur for certain members of high-placed British families when they wanted a discreet pub crawl. “I never saw the like of it before.”
James Flinders, a toenail burnisher from Liverpool, who was hanging out with Rolephson agreed with his mate that the media’s sudden absence of obsessive preoccupation with the lives of these two young people “…was definitely in the realm of miracles.”
“It eases my mind to know that journalists are capable of turning their attentions to something of substance and that is actually of importance to the world, every once in a while,” he said.
It seems unseemly to look for causes when one is talking miracles, but as the media can never accept anything at face value without deconstructing it to look for nefarious purpose, this year’s Christmas miracle should not be exempt from close examination.
Thus the question: why did journalists suddenly abandon their posts for seven full minutes and shirk their self-professed duties that involve spending inordinate amounts of time gathering and then breathlessly conveying obscure, trivial details about the lives of these two people? Inquiring minds want to know.
Because when someone is as youthful, attractive and well-connected as these two are, prying into the tiniest aspects of their lives 24/7 is compulsory for media.
“It’s titillating stuff for people with small minds, short attention spans and a lot of free time on their hands,” said Broderick Kellerman, a photocopy-paper collator from Somerset. “And that group makes up a huge audience, so I can’t understand why the journalists would suddenly lose interest.”
James Flinders said he believed that he had the answer.
“They just took time out for a restroom break,” he explained. “Normally, five minutes would be enough. But it was the holiday, you know.” Source: FNT Staff