GENEVA – Bureaucratic fisticuffs nearly broke out today between the United States and Russia over the ownership of a mysterious strain of bacteria that was discovered on the International Space Station (ISS). A Russian cosmonaut claimed that the bacteria, which was found on the outside of the ISS, was potentially alien in origin.
That the bacteria even existed where it did, was a curious anomaly of science. That it existed without political boundaries or restrictions of any kind was a burdock in the underwear of the statists of both countries.
In the current climate of suspiclon, the cosmonaut’s speculation set off a firestorm of mutual accusation. Political opportunists in the American and Russian state departments immediately sprang at each other’s throats, each charging the other with pilfering and perfidy in space.
The United States initially denounced Russia for the unusual “discovery” and accused it of lying about the alien origin so that it could stake a claim to the bacteria in the World Court.
Russia vehemently denied this and has countered with it’s own accusation that the United States was secretly developing the bacteria as a biological weapon to be used in a false flag attack so that Russia would be blamed.
At press time both sides were seconded in a neutral country, but not officially talking to each other. However a source who wanted to remain anonymous said that lawyers behind the scenes were in ongoing discussions about what exactly constitutes community property in space. Source: FNT Staff
Photo credit: Created from images at: ScienceOHolic, :GlycoNet
HOUSTON – Following the publication of a scientific paper that claimed that molecules from deep fat frying may have a cooling effect on the climate, NASA immediately launched a deep fat fryer into space. The unit is fully operational and uses a solar panel to generate enough power to deep fry chicken and French fries. It will orbit the Earth continuously with the intent to put a stop to global warming and climate change.
“Hey, according to what we see on television almost every day the oceans will boil over in a few years,” said Dexter Paragucci, NASA’s chief donut maker. “So I said, what the heck! I can sacrifice my trusty Hamilton Beach for a good cause.”
The deep fryer from the NASA cafeteria was modified with a lightweight basket and an extra-deep fat reservoir so it wouldn’t have to be refilled as often. A cadre of fast food fans stood by and cheered loudly as the three-stage booster rocket lifted off with the deep fryer unit fastened to the nose cone with duct tape.
“We were in a hurry,” Paragucci explained, regarding the use of duct tape. “But not to worry, it’s been tested on a lot of other flights as well.”
NASA launch control team members were extremely pleased with the mission although they were a bit peeved when they found that hush puppies and cider donuts had suddenly been taken off the menu in the cafeteria until further notice.
“This is a gigantic leap forward for food service research and climate science,” said Paragucci. “Who knew that fatty acids could save the world?” Source: FNT Staff
Photo credit: Created from images at: Amazon/Hamilton Beach : HD Wallpaper