TORONTO – A recent report issued by the North American Health Organization (NAHO) on the much-touted high-fat diet has revealed some startling news for people who regularly try and control the food and drink that they consume, through dieting. A controlled study showed that a high-fat diet makes people fat.
This should come as no surprise to people who have tried desperately to lose weight while eating regular helpings of sausages, bacon-cheese burgers, donuts and ice cream, and not had any luck.
However the results came as a shock to Doctor Harvey Zarlon, chief of metabolic research at the Scarborough Food Institute, which hosted this latest study on the effectiveness of various fad diets for NAHO. He put eleven test subjects on a high-saturated-fat diet for one month to prove the results. However all the subjects gained weight on the strictly-controlled diet of fried chicken, pork fatback and butter tarts.
“I don’t understand it,” said Doctor Zarlon, who gained sixteen pounds himself in the four weeks. He said he tried the diet on the recommendation of his second-cousin by marriage Marvin Hallstop, who is also a beneficiary of the doctor’s five-million dollar life insurance policy.
“Marvin told me that he lost thirty pounds in three days, but I didn’t just take his word for it,” he said. “We’ve done our due diligence on this at the Institute and it’s supposed to work.Eating fat makes your body burn more fat.”
At press time Doctor Zarlon was still poering over his notes for an explanation when he suddelny cried: “Eureka! I know what happened. We ate the right fatty foods but I forgot we were supposed to wash everything down with diet coke.” Source: FNT Staff
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